Presumed Dead in Paradise

Hey lifetimeheads, I’m Chadd Derkins, and I’m proud to be the very first guest poster here at Live-Blogging Lifetime Movies!  Recently, I visited Crystal’s place (along with Carla, Kelly, Chris, Matt and Michelle) to take part in the live-blogging of She’s Too Young.  Once we finished that movie, we didn’t want the party to end, so Crystal cued up Presumed Dead in Paradise, a brand new Lifetime movie which had made its debut just last month.  Afterwards, I opined that this was a much better movie than She’s Too Young, and how it’s a shame that this isn’t the movie Crystal’s blog entry would focus on.  To my surprise, Crystal offered me a challenge:  Do a write-up for the film, and post it!  I consider this a great honor, and I only hope I can live up to the excellent Live-Blogging Lifetime Movies standard.  Now, without further ado, let’s dive into Presumed Dead in Paradise!
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She’s Too Young.

We’re having a party to watch this classic Lifetime movie “She’s Too Young” starring Marcia Gay Harden and Emma from Degrassi as a bad influence teenage friend. So fun! This party features many C names- Chris, Carla, Chadd, Crystal (me) and then Kelly Lynn and Matt and even Michelle turned out. Bad movie nights are always a good time.

She's Too Young.
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Virtual Lies.

Sorry for the hiatus but I was in Brasil for the World Cup so I’m actually not sorry at all.  It was amazing!  Anyway, tonight’s movie is “Virtual Lies” which the internet tells me was originally called “Cyber Seduction” but offers no explanation as to why they changed the title.  Kelly Lynn is here because we had band practice and she chose this one from a list because internet things are usually hilarious.

The poster I found online says “inspired by a true story” but we’re dubious as to how INSPIRED this has to be to count. Like, did someone have an affair online once and that’s all that inspired this? Or was a woman blonde once?
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Petals on the Wind.

SOMEHOW I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THIS. Until a week or so ago, that is, when Kat sent me a text of the movie poster on some bus stop. Why didn’t they show a promo for this at the end of Flowers in the Attic? That’s so weird, Lifetime. Get it together.

I didn’t read this book at all but my friend Stephanie informs me that I’m in for a lot more effed up stuff and I can only believe it based on the batshit bananas first installment in the series.

Petals on the Wind!
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Casualties of Love: The Long Island Lolita Story

Jenni and I both saw this movie when it originally aired on tv and here we are, 21 years later (eeeek), watching it again! This movie is famous because it’s the movie that tells things from Joey’s point of view. The one with Drew Barrymore is the one that was based more actual facts. This movie infuriated me when I was 14 so I can’t even imagine how I’m going to feel after 20 more years of feminism under my belt.

Casualties of Love
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The Girl He Met Online.

The Girl He Met Online.

The Girl He Met Online.

The tagline for this movie is “A man’s relationship with a bipolar woman becomes dangerous.” So short, so simple, so great. I was ready for this immediately. Unfortunately I dvred this over a month ago to watch with my sister but then she decided to move away from NYC and we got busy doing things like packing all of her worldly possessions into a truck and this took a backseat. It was sadder for me than it was for her I think.
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Lizzie Borden Took an Ax.

Lizzie Borden took an ax and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done she gave her father forty one.

Why is that a thing we repeated as kids?? I remember it being chanted while jumping rope! It’s so creepy. I was older when I realized that she was a real person and not just a weird childhood murderous tale from the sea*. In high school I was obsessed with serial killers and criminals in general though so I doubt everyone was reading up on Lizzie Borden at the public library like I was.

Lizzie Borden

Basically Lizzie Borden seemingly horrifically killed her parents with an ax but this was back in the day when people thought women were too frou-frou and delicate to do something gruesome so no one believed it.
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