Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret.

Tonight I am watching “Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret” with my sister Sarah. Lifetime didn’t wait for the trial to end to make this movie so you know it’s gonna be good. Ben’s daughter from LOST plays Jodi Arias- fun fact! After she played Ben’s daughter she dated Jeff Goldblum: photographic evidence.

The imdb page: In case you’re interested.

The movie opens with Jodi posing for very overexposed nudes while her dude tells her she’s sexy. Wait, he’s nude also Sarah points out. Now she’s taking photos of him and asks if he wants to shoot a porn. That’s your opening scene, folks. This guy is terrible at being Mormon. Sarah is taking the photos and wants you to know that because she’s very proud of her work here.

Next scene- Woman on the phone being all “a friend of mine was killed!!” and then a guy says he’s dead while blood is everywhere and it’s horrific and 911 says to get the eff out. They really made the crime scene look as horrific as a real crime scene.

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Now we’re back in the past I think? It says 2006 Las Vegas on the screen. This is some kind of motivational speaking convention where she’s blonde and in a tight dress learning about how great her life could be. This actress can’t pull off being a blonde.

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Wait, the dude from the home porn is the motivational speaker I think. This guy seems like the least Mormony Mormon ever. She follows him into the men’s room to start up her seduction plan… spoiler alert- it works! Also, this bathroom is 2 steps down which is what Sarah is paying attention to. A sunken bathroom is very fancy schmancy. He’s definitely peeing in the above photo and that’s how the best seduction plans work, right?

They go on a late night walk in the only quiet part of Vegas I guess. She talks about how photography is her passion, which is convenient since she’s holding a big ass camera for no reason. He finds out if she has a boyfriend and then jokes that he’s seeing someone but points to an old lady- great joke. She says she wants to go up to his room and tear off his clothes and oil him down. Sarah- “Oil each other down?? Is that the complimentary oil that comes with the minibar?” He’s all “you mean more to me than that” because he’s very smug and she’s all “correct answer!” like she was just testing him with all that talk of oiling him up. They go out the next night.

They’re out at a bar and he’s saying he won’t be back for a month and they’re drinking- Sarah points out that Mormons shouldn’t be doing this either. He’s the worst Mormon. Some people come up, from his church, and are all “I can’t believe we’re all here!” and take him back to their table. He doesn’t introduce her or bring her to the table so she sits at the bar and watches while I think she should move along from this piece of shit. That was shockingly rude.

After a while he looks up from his table and is all “I better get back to my…” oh, she left the bar. Good for her!

Oh Jesus, he goes back to his room and she’s waiting outside to seduce him in a slinky dress and I’m starting to think her talk of oiling him down wasn’t just a test. Sarah and I in unison- ugh.

They make out and go into the room because this Mormon is totally down with premarital sex with someone he met yesterday. She picks up a remote and turns on a song that she has a striptease set up for. Sarah- “Isn’t this his room?? Whose ipod is this? How is it playing the song she wants??”

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They do it. Why is she so into this guy? This movie isn’t telling that story.

She gets out of bed when he’s sleeping to take photos of him sleeping. It’s as creepy as it sounds.

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Her grandma is cooking with her and she’s telling her how great this guy is. Grandma thinks she has bad taste in guys but we’re told this one can sing too (I guess that happened off camera) so she says he sounds good. Jodi says she only gets hurt when people cheat on her so this one is different. Grandma- “he has a weenie, doesn’t he?” implying all men cheat. She actually answers this question with a yes in case it’s not rhetorical.

This movie is clearly setting up that she was murderous and jealous from the start which is bugging me.

Next scene! Jodi and Travis are hosting a bbq at a big ass house in Arizona where they apparently live together. She’s acting like they do- she tells someone she’s having a blast decorating this new pad. He’s chatting with some Mormons and she cuts into this conversation to pull him into another room to blow him during the party and they play it like he’s very uncomfortable with the whole thing. Sure.

Just look how cool he looks:
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Who could resist such charm and cool guy style?

He doesn’t want her to say goodbye to the guests because then they’ll think she’s staying there. She says she is staying there and he says no one has to know that. Bad Mormon. She asks him if she’s his dirty little secret (TITLE ALERT).

She says he’s never alone and that people are always around him so he says that they should get away. Now they’re in bed looking through random vacation photos from the woods and skiing that are obviously photoshopped in front of a greenscreen. Photography is her passion, you guys. I guess they just took like four vacations during that edit, very economical way to vacation.

He tells her that he’s not supposed to be doing most of the things they do together and then he randomly gets up and brushes his teeth for 30 seconds. As a Mormon he can’t do anything that he shows any signs of being addicted to. She asks what happens if he gets addicted to her and he says he could quit her anytime he wants. Wow, the romance. They make out more.

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She leaves and runs into his friend outside who says he’s there to shoot hoops. Jodi says he’s in bed and the friend says it’s 1pm. She implies he’s tired from all the boning and he looks grossed out because sex is icky. He just goes into the house and is all “T-dawg!” and wakes him up. Yes, T-dawg. ALSO THERE IS A COUCH PILLOW IN THIS BED?! How crazy is their boning that a giant couch pillow is next to him in bed? No wonder his friends are worried.

The friend asks if he knows what time it is and says he saw his girlfriend outside. Travis is all “she’s not my girlfriend!” and the friend says “oh, your three holed wonder, as you like to call her” and he’s all yeahhhhh, smug with his face like he’s so clever when he calls her that. Disgusting. The friend picks up condoms and is all “how are you doing with this?” implying that he’s totally hooked on banging this woman. He says “I’ve got it under control” and that if the friend was being offered this by this hot girl he’d take it too. WHY IS HIS FRIEND JUST WALKING INTO HIS HOUSE AND GOING THROUGH HIS CONDOMS?!

Travis is at some Bible study that’s boring where they make lame jokes about Jesus or something. Jodi calls him and he totally answers mid-bible study because people on tv always do that. She freaks out because she hears women’s voices and he says women are allowed to study the bible and then he hangs up on her (shitty) so she loses her mind, screams and turns her car around to hunt him down (what?). These people are both awful. They’re made for each other.

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Now she’s in his bedroom and she’s all “WHOSE IS THIS?!!” and holds up a scrunchy and he says that it’s hers. Hahahahahahahha. She’s all “oh yeah, it’s mine, whoops.” I’m not joking. She finally found that scrunchy from 1990 that she’s been looking for. He tells her that she’s kind of nuts but they laugh and have sex instead of seeing this as a red flag.

He’s getting ready for church and she’s all “blow it off” and he says that church is important to him despite how he’s been doing all sinful things with her. He says that all of his friends are Mormon and someday he’ll marry one so this is important to him. Her lightbulb goes off and it’s that she needs to convert for him to ever marry her and not that she should just not be with him. He gets a text from someone and she replies that he’s busy cuddling with Jodi, sorry, lolz. Good one, girl.

Jodi talks to her friend about how great Travis is and how much he means to her and that she might convert to Mormonism and the friend is all “what?” She says he just has a big heart. Sarah- “yeah, he won’t call you his girlfriend, he tells you not to talk to his friends, not to tell people you’re sleeping there and tells people you’re just three holes… what a big heart!” Jodi- “I just want to be the girl that he wants.” Yikes.

Travis texts her:

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She shows up at a motivational speaking seminar in the same pink dress from earlier in the movie and Sarah thinks it’s like when Marge Simpson found that Chanel suit at a thrift store and then wore it everywhere and started altering it… then this girl is in a bikini version of the dress and I think Sarah is onto something. She says “I’m thinking of converting to Mormonism!” and then ducks down into the hot tub to give him some kind of bj that involves her being able to breathe underwater? Good lord, this girl IS incredible. No wonder he’s hooked.

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Next scene is her converting to slow music in a montage. They filmed the baptism scene like it was also a sex scene (see above photo). Then him banging her up against a wall to celebrate. In the trial transcript she said he always wanted to have anal sex and he wanted to celebrate her baptism with more anal and she wore something sexy under her robe for him. Apparently Lifetime is glossing over that detail and that’s fine but I’ll share it with you guys. You’re welcome.

His friends sit him down to talk about what a skank this girl is and how they’re worried about him… he’s just such a great guy. HOW IS HE SUCH A GREAT GUY?! HE’S DOING THE SAME THINGS AS HER! Ugh, these people. He tells his friends that this is just short term- maybe he should have told her that before she converted to Mormonism. She hears this and gets annoyed. Also, she’s wearing a shirt that says “Travis Alexander’s.” Why? Where would you even get this shirt??

They have a fight where he tells her that she’s too much and that it’s only been 5 months so he can’t commit to calling her his girlfriend yet. hahahahahahhahahaha. FIVE MONTHS. Girl, run. He says it’s time to take a break because it’s too intense. She walks out slowly. He watches her butt leave.

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Back from commercial he comes into a dark house and I think it’s murder time but the lights pop on and it’s a big surprise party that’s taking place in his house because apparently everyone has keys for his house. A girl tells him that Jodi was a total gross skank- ugh, all of these people are the worst.

He flirts across the party with some girl and she goes outside with him to talk to him and Sarah wonders why women are interested in him at all. What a skeezer. He’s so relieved to be surrounded by such pure women at this party. Puhhhh-lease.

Jodi jogs in the park while listening to his motivational tapes and in it he says that in business no means maybe and it’s up to you to make it into a yes and she’s all LIGHTBULB! and moves to Arizona to live near him without letting him know. She’s also using her passion for photography to stalk him in the park. The movie actually edited in these lines- they’re not from my photos.

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Look at what wholesome fun he’s up to with this pure woman- ice cream cones!

He goes grocery shopping and sees a hot ass bent over and just starts walking toward it as if he has been pulled into a hotness tractor beam and the hot ass stands up and…. it’s JODI! She’s all “I knew we’d run into each other eventually.” He’s confused that he knows this hot ass. They talk about how she lives here now. She says she moved here but not for him, haha, silly, no way. She says she’s looking for housecleaning work. She relocated to clean houses in Mesa, Arizona?

Next scene- her showing up at his place in a french maid outfit all “bonjour!” Sarah- “They’re skipping important parts of the story and just showing us 800 sex scenes so we’ll never know what she does for a living or how she can afford any of this.” Post coital on the floor he says they’re just friends and stuff like this doesn’t mean anything and asks if she’s cool with that, just keeping it casual. She says she is but is clearly not and gets up and walks out.

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Sarah wonders if he would ask his sweet Mormon girl would just bang him while he sees other people or if he would just cheat on her. I think we all know the answer. Especially considering that he is dating that girl right now while being such a good “friend” to Jodi.

How do the writers of this movie know any of this stuff? What are they basing it on? Speculation? Is everyone just guessing they were both totally awful?

She’s in a bar, drinking her sorrows away while some dudes flirt with her. See, other guys exist! Instead she goes home and sends him a bunch of photos of herself stripping… oh wait, with another dude and then doing it with him. With the caption “this is how cool I am with it.” He looks pissed. Also (in real life) Chris just got home from work so we’re catching him up.

The next scene is a montage of them firing IMs back and forth in separate scenes. He’s pissed but doesn’t want to admit that she meant something to him so he just says they’re not friends anymore and then slams his computer down in anger.

In retaliation she breaks into his email and sends something seemingly distressing to the girl he flirted with at that party earlier.

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He’s all panicked at work because an email of him in his underwear that says “like what you see??” and he’s at a loss as to what to say to defend himself. Does he work for a motivational speaking company? What is this office?

The girl from the party takes him out to dinner to talk to him about bad things she’s done in the past that she’s not proud of. She is sobbing and saying she once gave a date a full on kiss goodnight… but she’s joking, haha, just kidding. He’s all “very funny.” They leave the restaurant and his tires have been slashed.

He and his shitty friend from earlier play basketball and Travis says that he let this go on too long and that it’s his fault. The friend also calls him T-dawg more, which delights Chris to no end.

Travis kisses the Mormon girl and she says she doesn’t do that but I don’t know what he was trying to do. Sarah thinks he tried to touch her boob. She asks if he wants to watch a movie because this is his life now. They fall asleep watching the movie and then we see Jodi in the dark hovering and staring at them. Scary as heck.

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Travis wakes up and goes into another room and there are all these pictures of him on that date last night up on the wall- how did she print these while they were sleeping?? Travis is all “you broke into my house, you’ve gone too far.” Doesn’t everyone have keys to his house?? She says that his lady will just disappear on him one day while she casually holds a gun. Ominous. She’s at her grandma’s house during this. Chris- “Oh, that’s where she got the gun! Her grandpa.” I had not pieced that together. Chris thinks this gun is very sophisticated for an old man to own.

The new girl he’s dating is excited because he’s inviting her on some trip and trying to talk her into swimming nude on it. Hahah, she won’t let you touch her boob, nice try. She sees a note on her car that says “if you sleep under the same roof as him, you will be giving the appearance of evil…” it’s all Mormon stuff that’s telling her she’s a bad woman.

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Travis asks Jodi to meet him in the park and she’s all “heyyy, sexy man!” but he’s not there for fun, he’s pissed. She threatened Katie! She’s all “c’mon, we both know we’re made for each other.” He drops the hard truth and says that not once in five months did he ever tell her that he loved her and to think about that. He only likes boning her and doesn’t care about her at all! This makes her very sad.

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She’s dying her hair brown, or if you’re this actress, she’s washing the blonde out of her hair and looking good again. Her room is covered in photos. So passionate about photography! She points a gun into a mirror and looks intense, Taxi Driver style.

Jodi comes to his house at night and says that she saw his light on and just wanted to say goodbye. He invites her in. We speculate that it’s to have sex with her one last time. He says he’s making tea. She says she’s moving back to California. He’s all “you and I were always on the same wavelength when we were together.” Hahaha, this guy will say anything to get laid! He just told her the opposite two scenes ago. Also, they were literally never on the same wavelength about anything. He says Katie dumped him, but I assume he’s lying. Who knows.

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Now we’re at the first scene of them doing dirty photos and she offers to make a home porn. He gets into the shower and is all happy and singing (um, is this supposed to be the great singing voice we heard about earlier?) while Katie texts him and she snaps back into classic Jodi mode and replies to the texts all frantically telling her that she’s dumped and to get used to it.

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Katie asks if he’s dumping her for the girl he said was only good for one thing. Like that, she becomes unhinged.

Jodi goes into the bathroom and takes photos of him into the shower while he poses and dances around. PHOTOS LIKE THIS GOT YOU INTO TROUBLE AT WORK LIKE A WEEK AGO! People are so dumb.

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She stabs him… it’s slow and blood is everywhere and he stumbles around while she stabs him 26 more times. She hugs him and slits his throat. What the hell? How does someone snap like this? It’s intense. I was thinking about this during the trial but seeing, even a terrible recreation like this, makes me think about it more.

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Now she has the gun and is doing the post-mortem shooting of his body that comes into the play in her whole “doesn’t seem like self defense” problem at the trial.

Cops are at the scene and this is gruesome, especially for a Lifetime movie. Cops are freaked out. One of the cops is from Dexter. He finds her clothes and her camera in the washing machine. That scene was so bloody and awful that it inspired one of Chris’ bad dreams later, not joking.

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Forensics gets the memory card out of the camera and attempts to get the damaged and deleted files off of it. Chris- “why didn’t she take the memory card out?” Great question. They pull up enough of the photos to make out her face.

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6 weeks later. They’re skipping over all the amazing things that happened and her saying that ninjas broke in and killed him. Big mistake, movie. She gets arrested and it’s 2008 and she asks the cops to grab her makeup before they leave her house. They met in 2006… and her trial was in 2013, this timeline is bananas. They dated for 5 months within a 2 year timespan? And then it took 5 years to get her on trial?

She poses for a sexy mugshot.

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The crime lab is still working on that memory card which makes it seem like this lady has been there for 6 weeks working on this memory card. There is definitely a shot of the dead body that the lab pulls up. Chris says that after she killed him she dropped the camera and that it took a photo. I guess this is how the real trial had this photo, I had no idea until now.

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Montage of her being questioned and doing handstands and yoga in the interrogation room.

They use real audio of Anderson Cooper reporting on this.

The photo of the dead body pulls up more details and you can see her dragging the body back into the bathroom. Yeah, she really should have taken that memory card. The cop tells her that they have a photo and all the other photos of them taken that day and shows her the photos. She says that kind of looks like her… about a photo of her face that’s obviously her. She says if she killed him that she would have used gloves so this doesn’t make sense. She has plenty of gloves, you know.

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Now she’s mousy and on trial. Sarah points out that her lawyer made her look like her for the trial. She talks about him being a sexual deviant on trial, which is true, that seemed to come up a lot on trial.

The cops say her grandparents reported a gun stolen. She says that Travis may have been into little boys and that she saw him with a photo of a boy in his underwear once. Montage of the prosecution digging into her while she throws away the gun and calls the police and offers assistance as a close friend of Travis’. Ugly Betty’s dad is the lawyer!

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They have her getting found guilty which makes me wonder if they shot two endings just in case since they shot this before the trial ended.

It ends with a brief update of how the trial ended.

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It was July when the jury had the death penalty issues… this movie aired right then.

THE END.

One thought on “Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret.

  1. HAD many girls like this gay ones I made happy and unbent nuns I turned into adult film stars . While dancing in Laguna beach there was a girl who looke dlike her and acted like photoing herself again and again bumping and grinding on men and woman which seems to be titillation fro emotionally bankrupt guys ok to sleep with other women they are as they are half women as all men are and so havethis fantasy

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