The Perfect Husband.

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The Perfect Husband. This will be the perfect counterpart to “The Craigslist Killer” – the movie about Scott and Laci Peterson! Starring Dean Cain! If there is one thing these movies are teaching us, it’s to not marry handsome, boring men. They’ll most likely murder you. Or murder other people behind your back. A few weeks ago Lifetime had a “Lovers and Liars” marathon and they showed this, The Client List AND the Craigslist Killer. It was my idea of a nightmare, wrapped up in a marathon.

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The movie opens with cop cars and helicopters circling with a voice over of Scott Peterson talking to the cops about how he was out fishing and came home and his wife was missing, in the most deadpan style you can imagine. I don’t think Dean Cain is a great actor because his story is shaky as hell… or is this how bad the actual Scott Peterson was at lying? I assume that if he was this bad he would have been caught much sooner. Trivia on the imdb page (linked above) says that this movie was made before the trial had happened (wow!) and that Dean Cain said that since Scott Peterson hadn’t been found guilty he played him as though he were innocent. Okay, he’s a terrible actor then, it’s settled. The whole feel of this movie is kind of drab and full of dull acting… maybe the worst one I’ve done for this blog. Fair warning!

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Scott is all “no she’s never gone missing before” and the detective not-so-delicately asks if his wife may have left him. No, they have a perfect marriage, he’s sure of it. In the next room her family is asked this by a different detective and they’re all “no way, they’re beautiful together!” Yes, the better looking a couple is together the least likely they are to cheat or be unhappy. That’s just science.

His friend is checking messages in some other house and the first one is Scott all “just checking on new year’s plans” and then the second one is all “something happened, have you seen Laci?” He tells his wife and they see the story on the news and head right over.

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Everyone is worried. Laci is 8 months pregnant. The older detective says that he smelled bleach in the house and the younger detective is all “it was probably coming off the pool.” Foreshadowing?

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In the dark, all the cops and friends, take flashlights and look through the woods for Laci.

Cut to! The next morning! Those friends from before are having breakfast and playing with their kid while worrying about Laci. The wife does not think that Laci is in the park- she thinks something bad has happened. Ahhhh, it’s Christmas day. I had forgotten a lot of the details of this case. Husband goes back over to the Peterson’s and there are still people searching.

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They go out and post MISSING signs all over town and some old lady says that she saw Laci out walking the dog the day before. Laci’s brother is so worried but Scott is all “eh, I’m sure she’s fine.” At least pretend to be worried, asshole!

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The cops drive by and he goes running to find out what’s happening. They’re going to search the house and cars but Scott is all “why?!?!?!?!?” instead of “great! I hope you find something!” The cops explain that it is procedure.

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A search center is set up. Scott’s parents and Laci’s parents talk about how awful this is and how worried they are. Meanwhile, Scott is being interrogated in a dark room like people are always interrogated in in movies.

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They’re saying his marina receipt from the fishing doesn’t have a time stamp on it and he’s all “jeez, guys, get off my back and take my word for it.” Yeah, cops’ll just do that. They ask him what he was fishing for and what he uses for bait and he clearly has no idea. They say something about how a neighbor says that their blinds were closed all day the day before and he’s all “yeah, it was cold yesterday” and they snarkily reply that it must have been cold on the water. He’s so dumb that he just says “yeah.” I find it funny that his “alibi” is that he was somewhere a murderer would be if he wanted to hide a body.

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He comes running out of interrogation like a bat out of hell and runs into his friend. He’s all “they’re wasting time acting like I’m a criminal instead of finding Laci!!” and his friend is all “calm down.” The press is talking to the police and asking about Scott and they say that he has not been found innocent or guilty. The friends are watching and are all “HOW DARE THEY SAY THIS ABOUT SCOTT!!” I bet they felt silly a few months later. I guess he fooled a lot of people (scary!).

The family tries to convince Scott to talk to the press. He is all “I can’t” and then goes and drives angrily.

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He calls some blonde woman and is all “sorry I missed Christmas, sweetie.” This must be his mistress! How can that be, though? He’s so good looking, good looking guys don’t do that! He tells her that after January 26th he’ll be all hers. Um, what happens on the 25th? Also, in 2003 were they not checking cell phone records when people were suspects? Or was he really this brazen?

(Also, I find Dean Cain gross, for the record. He’s like a boring meathead, I’ve never gotten the appeal. Lifetime thinks women be loving him though; he’s in several of their movies.)

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The media is all over the house and some lady with a bloodhound gets moving on her scent. The dog gets to the driveway and sits down. The lady is all “he lost the scent, this lady didn’t leave on foot.”

Her mom is on the tv talking about how amazing Scott is and how she just knows that he would not hurt her daughter.

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The wife friend is volunteering at the search center and she asks if Scott is there. The lady running the place says that he mainly comes in the morning before work. Friend is a bit incredulous about Scott working during this. Volunteer lady is all “well, he’s sure she’s fine.” Okay? Whatever that means. It’s also Christmas! What was his job? (That’s rhetorical, I did a brief search and couldn’t find it)

The friend is worried about him and goes for a walk with him to talk about it. Scott is all “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I’m so worried.” She tells him that they’re there for him because she believes him. Cut to the news interviewing her husband at his restaurant. Scott is avoiding the news but letting his friends stick up for him all over the place.

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Some dude in a cowboy hat is at Scott’s house when he gets home… is it his dad? I can’t tell. Cowboy hats make people look so different. The guy looks in the kid bedroom that was set up. Scott says he’ll be in shortly but then he gets in his car and drives away instead.

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The guy is pissed. Oh! It’s Laci’s dad! He’s so pissed. He’s with his son in the next scene bitching and saying that he hears Scott is out on the golf course instead of looking for Laci.

In the dark the phone rings, Scott answers it and it’s some dude telling him that he’ll feel better if he confesses. The way he reacts implies that this happens all the dang time and he’s had enough. He hangs up and calls the blonde lady again.

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He’s all “I have to tell you something, when I said I had never been married, I lied.” She looks like she’s prepared for him to tell her something truly awful. Then he says that he had a wife but “he lost her.” She’s all “what does that mean? Where is she?” and he again doesn’t specify. She asks him why he lied and he says that it’s too sad for him to talk about. This clearly melts her heart though she looks upset about the lie. He hangs up… a little girl walks up to blondie and she says she’ll put her to bed. Oh man, his mistress is a mom.

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There is a huge candlelight vigil that is covered by the news. Uh oh, looks like the mistress is about to find out a secret! The news is all “her husband has been consistently media shy” as they show him in a baseball hat at the vigil.

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Blondie sees this and freaks out. He had to have seen that coming, right?

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The friends are reading things coming in to the website. One friend realizes that this Saturday was Laci’s baby shower. That’s sad. One friend (who we’ve never seen before) looks pissed and goes running outside. Wife runs out and finds out that Scott asked this new friend how much she thinks he could get for his house. She thinks Scott knows something and is pulling up his roots on purpose. The wife friend continues defending him!

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Oooh, it’s getting good. The mistress has tracked down the police and told them everything. She has been with Scott for a few months. They only met in November at a party. Man, he threw his life away for a lady he knew for less than 2 months? What a strange guy. I wish the real him had confessed what the hell he was thinking. She had no idea that he was married- she wants to make that very clear. She wants the police to tell Laci’s family that she had no idea. They say they believe her. She says that he was always traveling for work but always saying wrong places when he’d talk to her at night. Wait a second- how local is this woman?! Does she live in the same city?! How did he see this playing out? In a month he could be dating some new lady like nothing happened? Like all of his friends and family wouldn’t be mentioning Laci?

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Laci’s sister is freaking out at work and the wife friend tries to calm her down. Sister isn’t having it.

So the cops come to Laci’s family’s house and tell them about this mistress and they’re all “Scott says there’s no one, whatevers.” The cops say that she passed the polygraph and had a ton of photos of them together. Her mom: “I’m going to be sick!” Her sister says “at least now we know why he didn’t want to be on camera.” Snaps. She’s savvy.

The cops are on a boat (I have to assume they didn’t just start looking in the water, right?). Anyway, the boat guy is all “there is something on the sonar” and everything goes sinister.

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Doodle-doo music… Cut to Scott at home with his married couple friends. The press calls to ask for an interview and he is all “no more interviews!” They tell him about the body news and he runs to the tv.

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The friends are still all “don’t worry” but he knows that she’s dead so they’re the ones that should be worried.

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Laci’s parents are watching the news at their house and the mom is all “when he first called why did he say ‘missing’?? Why didn’t he say that she just hadn’t come home?” Looks like Laci’s family will no longer defend this horrible person. Good!

Husband friend starts to think that Scott is horrible and tells him that he seems “cold.” Scott says that he doesn’t want to be on tv because he “can’t cry on cue.” You’ve said plenty, Scott. He gets it (and he’s backing away from him slowly). Or at least the performance by the friend implies this but the acting is so wooden that it’s anyone’s guess.

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Scott gets home and throws his Christmas tree down in anger.

Scott goes to the marina to pace. The detectives are watching him unravel and talk about how guilty he is while they watch.

The news is in! It wasn’t a body. All the friends and family are relieved and cry.

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Laci’s brother shows at up Scott’s place all “did you hear? It wasn’t her?” And then awesomely asks “So did you cheat on Laci?” Scott is all “No, no, of course not.” Brother says the mistress’ full name and Scott is all “I loved Laci.” Brother: “LOVED??” Scott says that it would have sounded terrible if he had told them all he was cheating and the brother says that it makes him seem like a liar this way. And with that he’s out. I like how her brother gets right to the point. Being caught in this lie is the closest we’ve seen Scott come to crying so far in this movie.

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The brother immediately holds a press conference saying that Scott has admitted that he’s been having an affair and the mistress is there too.

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Mistress makes a statement that she had no idea that he was married and that he told her he was single. As soon as she found out he was involved in this case she contacted the police. Did she know him by his real name? I think that she did. Man, he’s the dumbest person ever. I hope he’s enjoying prison!

OMG! It just hit me that the mistress is the crazy blonde who dated Steve in college on 90210 and tried to kill Brenda to get her part in the play!

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Scott sits by his pool and calls his mistress. He’s all “I’ve been trying to call you.” She looks scared. He apologizes for getting her into this mess but doesn’t say anything like “sorry I lied to you about being married” or anything. Just sorry for getting her into this press mess. He says “I’m in a lot of trouble” and she says “Why? You didn’t do anything.” UGH! He says that he loves her and she says “I love you too.” DOUBLE UGH! What is wrong with her?? He says he has some jewelry for her and she tells him that he can’t come over, there is press all over the place. He hangs up and we see that she’s with detectives who are monitoring her calls. Ahhh okay, that’s why she’s being nice.

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The married friends are in a big fight because she thinks her husband knew his friend was cheating on his 8 month pregnant wife. She’s pregnant AND furious! He says that he had no idea. She tells him not to defend Scott anymore. He says he’s not, he’s also pissed. Laci’s dad walks in and starts talking to them about how he almost missed Laci’s wedding. The husband friend tells him that Laci is not dead and not to worry.

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Scott hires himself a lawyer and says that his behavior during this has not been good but the lawyer is all “that doesn’t make you guilty.” Scott loves to hear this!

A bunch of news people eat at husband friend’s restaurant and are laughing about what a “callous prick” Scott is. Husband goes offfff all “he’s a good man!”

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God, he is still defending him. One reporter fights him back and is all “They’re going to charge him with the murder! They’re just waiting to find the body!” and the whole restaurant of lookie-loos goes silent. Husband friend just got how serious this is. He’s silent. I thought he was mad at Scott too? What happened to that?

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Friend is in a tailspin and runs around yelling at the cops telling them they haven’t looked at the right suspects because they’re too busy bothering Scott. He is in DENIAL.

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He’s all “I just don’t believe it’s him!” but the cop is all “believe it, we haven’t been able to clear him.” The detective says “hypothetically” that Scott had a loaded gun and a tarp and gave Laci’s jewelry to his girlfriend and husband friend is all “whatever, none of that means anything.” God, I hope that none of my friends are this loyal. Friends, please feel free to turn on me when I callously murder someone in cold blood because I am too afraid to divorce them and look mean.

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Older detective comes over and is all “we found hair and blood in your truck” and Scott is all “no you didn’t!” and shuts the door in his face.

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He’s pissed and tells his lawyer he wants to press charges on them for trespassing on his property. The lawyer is all “they might deal to take the death penalty off the table” and Scott is all “I didn’t know that was on the table!” It’s true, they really should call him a suspect at some point before dealing happens.

Scott talks to the press to say that he’s not a murderer and that he finds violence against women to be disgusting. He knows that suspicion has turned on him but says it has because he’s “her husband” while skirting right passed all the evidence they actually have against him. Verrry smooth.

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A guy shows up at Laci’s parents house with her car. They’re all “why do you have it?!” and he says that Scott traded it in earlier that day and that he feels bad about profiting off of it so he just wanted to give it to them. That’s really nice of him. They’re kind of baffled about Scott but at this point I’m not sure anything he did would really shock them.

He’s having dinner with his married friends (WHY WOULD THEY INVITE HIM?) and he lies and says that he had told Laci about his affair.

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Wife friend is all “yeah right, she just didn’t tell me or her mother?” Scott says that she didn’t want to ruin their Christmasses and she snarks “but you had no problem ruining hers.” Oh yeahhh, go girl. Scott then says that he has to go out of town for work and she loses it all “don’t you know what date is coming up??” but he’s all “it’s work” and she says his job right now is finding his wife and his son. He’s all “I’ve done all I can do with that so I’m going to work.” She looks like she wants to claw his eyes out. The date that’s coming up is Laci’s due date. Husband friend is all “this will look really bad” but if Scott cared about the way things look he wouldn’t have done any of the things he’s done. She is all “what if Laci comes home? What do I tell her?? That you’re in Mexico for work??”

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He basically counters this by saying that Laci isn’t alive. Eeek, commercial.

He gets back from Mexico and the cops are all “how was Mexico?” I am surprised they were so easy going about him leaving the country. They tell him they’re seizing the truck and he’s pissed.

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He employs a poor choice of words and says “You’re killing me, here!” as he stomps off like a baby. Laci’s sister is in the back of a cop car and after he stomps off they take the sister inside.

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Wife friend is sobbing because she witnesses this and knows this means that Laci is gone. She tells husband her theory that Laci went missing the night before Scott said she went missing and that the sister knew what she was wearing that night and was looking for those clothes in the house.

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Husband friend finds Scott at the golf course and Scott is all “hit some balls with me” like nothing is wrong. Friend is confused. Scott says that he had a tee time on Christmas eve and he should have gone golfing instead of fishing because then the cops would lay off him.

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Friend is all “either way you’d be leaving your pregnant wife alone on Christmas eve.” F’reals. Friend asks him why he won’t take a polygraph and he says that his lawyer advised him not to because they can make innocent people look guilty. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

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Now a dog is running on the beach and barking. Ruh-roh, I think the body was just found. Oh wait, it was Connor’s body. The baby. How does that work? I kind of don’t want to know.

After commercial Laci’s body is also found, and both bodies were found just mere miles from where Scott had gone fishing on Christmas eve. Laci’s mom loudly sobs alone in her house.

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Scott sits behind dark mini-blinds, calling his mistress and telling her “I need to see you” while she brushes him off. He’s all “they found them, what am I gonna do?” She is all “should I be afraid of you?” And he is all “don’t even say that!” I think the actual answer to that question is “Yes! Move and change your number!”

He says that he didn’t do it but he knows who did. What? The police are, of course, listening to this conversation and totally confused by that bit.

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Scott is angry because the police have put something on his truck that monitors his moves but his lawyer says that they had a warrant to do so, so he has to deal with it. Scott drives by his married friends’ house and the wife is all “he’s not home, we’re not going to be around” as she shoos her kid away from him.

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He tells her that he’s going to be out of town for a while and she asks where he’s going. He’s all “if everyone thought you were a murderer, where would you go?” and she says that would depend on whether or not he was actually a murderer. He doesn’t answer. He drives off while she goes inside.

The cops say that his car has been sitting stationary in San Diego for hours…

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meanwhile wife friend is all “he said he was going out of town, I think he’s running.” I mean, why wouldn’t he? The cops seem to let him come and go as he pleases for some reason. They get into a huge fight because the husband still doesn’t believe that Scott is guilty while his wife is 100% convinced. She’s all “if something happened to me, you’d go out of your mind with worry, you’d confess every sin!” but she doesn’t know that. I mean, you hope that’s how your husband would act but you don’t know until it happens. I thought the husband was fed up an hour ago? I wish that his acting betrayed the emotions he was supposedly feeling.

The cops go down to San Diego (they’re in Modesto so that’s not just a quick drive) and for some reason corner this car at a golf course. It’s Scott! But he’s bleached his hair and grown a fu-man-chu and goes golfing.

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Thank goodness this whole thing hasn’t ruined his interest in country club sports. Did he think he’d never be found in San Diego? Apparently he had his brother’s ID and a ton of money on him. He’s under arrest.

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They bring him back home and the streets are full of people pounding on his car and calling him a murderer. Laci’s family has a press conference about Laci going missing and how it changed their lives forever.

Husband friend is at home and Scott calls and leaves a hilariously weird message “Hey, it’s Scott, I’m in jail, so I won’t get to talk to you guys for a while.” What? Husband friend FINALLY thinks that Scott is guilty and just cries in the dark.

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They have a funeral for Laci while the super creepy blond Scott gets hauled into jail in an orange jumpsuit. The end.

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So, if they made this movie before the trial did they wait on filming the ending? There was a Law and Order about that mom who drove the wrong way down the LIE and killed some people that was done before anything was really known about the real reasons it happened. The episode was weird and made me think you shouldn’t jump the gun on things like that.

I just looked up on the interwebs the circumstances of the arrest since this movie quickly wrapped things up. He was arrested with these things in his car:

Approximately $15,000 in cash
Four cell phones
Multiple credit cards belonging to various members of his family
An array of camping equipment, including knives, implements for warming food, tents and tarpaulins and a water purifier
A dozen pairs of shoes
Several changes of clothing
A T-handled double-edged dagger
A MapQuest map to Frey’s workplace (printed the previous day) **THE MISTRESS**
A shovel
Rope
24 blister packs of sleeping pills
Viagra
His brother’s driver’s license

Eek! That mistress is lucky he was arrested! This list makes me fear for her safety. Also, he added porn to his cable two days after his wife went missing. That’s such a weird detail! He’s in San Quentin awaiting the death penalty. And there you have it, folks. If dating didn’t scare the shit out of you before, stories like this will make you think twice!

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4 thoughts on “The Perfect Husband.

  1. Horrible why the best men are still unmarried is a befuddling mystery I would’ve turned down Eve so if there is a God we’d all be 400,000 years old and not look a day over three hundred, as she would tell you,as agnostic Buddhist recently regressed formerly repressed recovered republican egalitarian humanitarian, altruistic philanthropic abstinent sextillionaire that gave away quadrillions before billions exposing the Dallas callas assassins of world peace in Gods name , the JFKMLKRFKillers.

  2. Pingback: Drew Peterson: Untouchable. | live-blogging lifetime movies.

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