Betrayed at 17.

Exciting! From the commercial this movie looks like a Lifetime classic. A movie about something moms have heard about in magazines and some local newscast and have freaked out about and so a movie is made showing the absolutely worst thing that could happen to freak those moms out even more. She’s Too Young, about teenage party sex, is great example of an earlier Lifetime movie in the same vein, or so I hope. (speaking of which, I hope they re-air that gem soon.)

Here is a list of real cases that the movie may have taken from: the real news stories. The first one even inspired a Law and Order. Don’t take nudes, teenagers. These stories seem to have slowed in recent years so maybe teenagers have learned this lesson? Or maybe people have gotten really confident with their nudity in public?

I’ve convinced Chris to stay up late and watch this one with me because I procrastinated all day but I just realized it’s daylight savings so we’re getting an hour back. Procrastination wins again!

The opening is a montage of what appears to be a girl having sex with someone, intercut with a girl screaming a running, and also people’s phones sending a video of the sex. Wait… someone filmed her having sex and texted it to everyone? What? This is already not what I thought this movie was going to be about.

BETRAYED AT 17

A teenaged girl talking to her mom about how she wants to spend her summer writing and her mom says she’s working on it. Then the daughter says she saw some super cute boots at “Soul Style” and her mom is all “I’ll think about it” but implies they can’t afford it. Man, I would also like to spend the summer writing. Youth is truly wasted on the young!

She’s at school getting out of her brand new Mini Cooper so I guess she got a new car as a present but boots are pushing it? Some other girl parks next to her and says she almost hit her fat ass and is all rude about it.

Mom is a pharmaceutical rep and is trying to sell some meds to a doctor and actually says that her daughter would really like some new boots in order to get the doctor to listen to her. It works! Nothing like a teenager in need of new boots, such a tragedy!

At school some girl is flirty with the sporty boys and it’s clear that she is easy because she has HAD SEX before. They talk about it in the grossest way- “go for it, if you want my sloppy seconds.” “Seconds are so much easier to snag than cherries” etc… The writer girl rolls her eyes and the main sporty guy smiles at her because apparently he likes a challenge (gross).

He walks up to her locker to chat with her and walk her to her next class and says he can tell she’s smart and not like his vapid ex (the easy one, these dudes heavily imply that having sex with them makes you a stupid whore. It’s charming).

Mom is in the car with her friend saying that she’s getting Lexi new boots because she landed some account so I think her daughter’s name is Lexi.

Some dude in a black hoodie appears to break into their house and start eating things out of the fridge.

Interesting burglary tactics. Chris thinks he used to live there because he knows where everything is in the house. Maybe college aged son? He goes through the drawers and finds a bunch of medicine to steal.

Lexi’s friend tells her that she’s not the kind of girl Sporty usually dates and not to take that the wrong way. The ex sees him talking to her and keys the shit out of her Mini Cooper immediately.

Her friend is essentially the Amber Tamblin character from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Lexi says she’d see if her brother can fix it. Surprise! That guy who broke into the house is her brother. It’s quickly said that he’s troubled and has been kicked out of school a lot. Mom gets something from court in the mail for him. The mom is super reasonable and just asks him to call her back when she calls him.

Her brother asks who her date is with and she says Sporty and her brother is horrified and says he’s a total tool. He says their dad would be happy that she’s dating someone who can throw a football and she asks why he’s being a jerk about their dad… he changes the subject so I think this is something that will come up again. Foreshadowing!

Mom asks Lexi if she knows where her brother is and she lies and changes the subject to her football date. She tells her mom that Brook (her friend) thinks she shouldn’t go because the guys may be playing a joke on her. Mom is all “no way” and then surprises her with the boots. Chris- “Oh! God! They’re awful.” Chris hates 90% of things teenagers want to wear. They’re like knee high biker boots with buckles everywhere. Incidentally, Chris took THREE HUNDRED PHOTOS including 10 of a single Duck Dynasty commercial but was so busy gagging at these boots that he missed them.

Popular girl is at home just looking at photos of her and Sporty together when her dad walks in. Her dad seems to hope that Sporty gets back together with her because she’s dating an offensive linesman now and that seems to be super unimpressive to him. He doesn’t even respond, you can see in his eyes that he’d prefer a quarterback.

Sporty is laying it on thick! Hanging out with Lexi every second at school and asking her what she wants to be and talking about how she wants to go to Stanford and be a writer. Her dad died of a heart attack two years ago and she tells him while he’s nice and sad. They plan to “hang out” tonight.

Mom is still looking for Shane but his roommate tells her he moved out 4 months ago and may have stolen things when he left.

Sporty wants to go back to his house to play videogames and she asks what she gets if she wins and he says he’ll take her out on a date. He says if he wins she has to take him out and she says “I don’t chase boys, boys chase me” very confidently. He says he doesn’t lose bets. She’s better at this whole flirting thing than she thinks she is.

As soon as they get to his house he sets up his computer to film her in secret. They haven’t even been on date yet and he’s pretty confident that she’s going to sleep with him right now? Wow. Also, he’s a terrible person.

He gets her to sit next to him and is super aggressive with touching her legs and kissing her.

She’s uncomfortable. He asks if she’s never done it before and she says she hasn’t… they’re skipping so many steps! What teenager just immediately has sex before a date at the same time they have their first kiss? This seems nuts to me. He talks her into it very grossly and pushily and she seems to go along with it for no discernible reason. This scene is really off putting and weird. I hated it.

She gets home and seems totally weirded out when her mom asks her how the date was. She gets attitude and mom is all “what’s up with you?” but she says she’s tired and wants to go to bed. She lays in bed, fully clothed and cries.

Sporty is at practice and tells his friend (the ex’s new dude) that he filmed it to prove to him that it happened because he bet him 50 bucks it wouldn’t I guess. He says this is just for proof and not for anything else, which I guess is supposed to make it not shitty? The friend is all “you really like her, huh?” Yes, him not wanting to share his shitty sex tape with the whole football team means it’s true love. These guys are awful.

Ex walks up and they hide the phone. She asks him what was on the phone after Sporty walks away and he’s an idiot so he tells her that Sporty filmed himself fooling around with someone, no big deal. SHE IS SUPER JEALOUS. My reaction would probably be horrified to find out that my ex is such a skeez. Friend is all “I thought you were over him?” She says she is but she is clearly not and hightails it to the boys locker room to find his phone to forward the sex tape to the whole school.

^^^^ Note that this aired during “You Can’t Handle the Youth” marathon weekend ^^^

Sporty calls Lexi to set up another date, or really their first date since the last one never happened and she is cranky and says she is surprised to hear from him. He says that he really likes her and had a great time last night. She agrees to go out with him again while dipping her feet in the 2 level pool in her backyard.

In some scenes we’re supposed to think this family is struggling for money but then she has a new car and a two level pool and I think they’re mega rich.

They go to the party that his ex is throwing and his friend walks up and pays him $50 immediately and then is all squirmy and smiley and asks Lexi if she’s seen any good movies lately. She’s all “ummm, no.” Sporty asks him what the hell is wrong with him when Lexi goes to get some hot dogs from the grill. Friend says thanks for sending out that video. Sporty grabs his phone and sees that it went out to half the school.

Ex is manning the grill and gives her two hot dogs and tells her not to put them in her mouth all at once but that they’re smaller than what she’s used to. Lexi is totally confused. I’m mainly surprised that this girl is cooking up food for 200 people at her party.

Lexi asks Sporty what’s going on and that everyone is acting weird. Ex walks up and brings up the video and makes it clear that she sent it out and pulls it up so Lexi can see it. Lexi freaks out, understandably, and Sporty is all “I didn’t mean for anyone to see it!” as if that makes things totally okay. I just filmed you in secret and shared it with one friend to win a bet, he’s totally classy. Fuck all of these people. She runs out of the party and Sporty calls his ex a bitch.

Outside Lexi runs away and a car hits her. Everyone at the party gasps.

A detective knocks on her mom’s door. End scene.

Mom goes to find Shane (Lexi told her where he was staying before she went out) and he doesn’t want to let her in but she says that Lexi is dead and even super street tough Shane breaks down.

We see Sporty in his room crying and punching his bed. Chris wonders if he’s crying because he was in love with her or because he realizes he caused her death.

I doubt he realizes the 2nd thing! They knew each other for like 3 days so I really doubt the first thing too. We see the ex watching tv and drinking with a stone face like watching someone die was all in a day’s work for her.

Mom and Shane are at the police department and the cops are all “we’re looking for the driver” and they’re all “What about Sporty??” and he says there isn’t anything they can do about that.

They’re livid, understandably, and the cop is all “he’s a terrible person and I’ll do everything I can to find some way to charge him with something” which seems unlike any real cop ever but I’ll take it because I also hate these people.

We’re only 44 minutes into the movie so I guess revenge is going to be most of the story. The commercial made it seem like the mom would be getting it but now it looks like it may be Shane? Time will tell. The commercial for this movie was incredibly misleading!

Mom and Shane go to Sporty’s house and he’s all “my lawyer said I can’t talk to anyone.” They tell him he’s a terrible person and he cries and says they don’t know the whole story.

Oh shut your ass, you’re not innocent! I’m sure if they heard the whole story they would see it his way… Eye roll.

At school he’s being kicked out and his mom is all “isn’t he innocent until proven guilty??” and the principal is all “sharing a sex tape with the school is enough to get kicked out of school” because duh, they’re not expelling him for murder. She also reminds him that someone died, a star student died. He’s expelled.

Outside the office he sees his friend and the Ex and they asked what happened and he says that he hopes she’s happy because Lexi is dead and he’s expelled so she wins. She’s all “are you really telling people that?? You sent it!” but she’s smiling an evil smile. He says he didn’t do anything… which, is a total lie. I hope all of these people go to jail and their sentence is having to spend time with each other forever, they’re all the worst.

Mom goes through Lexi’s room and reads some of the things she has written and Shane looks sad. He sees Sporty in a heart in her date book and asks why she cared so much about dating this jerk and Mom says that she may have encouraged it. Shane says that he didn’t care about fitting in but that Lexi never stopped caring. Mom asks him how he’s doing and they argue and he says he got arrested for assault.

Shane is stalking Sporty and goes up to him and punches him in the face and Sporty is all “I loved your sister” while I roll my eyes all the way into the back of my head.

Puh-lease. Sporty tells Shane to look at his ex because she was involved too and deserves the blame. YOU’RE ALL GUILTY. Ugh, I’m going to sound like a broken record in every scene because this movie is making me so mad.

The principal calls in the Ex and her dad to see how they were involved. Her dad is somehow important because he thinks their name is being brought up because of “who he is.” Chris- “Who is he?” Great question. No one answers it.

Mom reads a bunch of sad cards she’s gotten for Lexi. Mom says she’s meeting with a lawyer today and Shane says he’ll go.

Sporty gets arrested for distributing pornography and it’s something so I’ll take it. He says he’s innocent! Ughhhhh, I’m yelling at the tv now. Shut up.

The lawyer they meet with says there is nothing he can do and Shane loses it because the justice system is corrupt and that is true. I finally agree with someone in this movie.

Shane tells Mom that she is great at her job but she gives up on everything else. They air out some old pain from after dad died. This mom lost her husband 2 years ago and now her 17 year old daughter- what a terrible few years she’s having. Shane stomps off.

Ex walks through the halls at school alone and sees a big poster in loving memory of Lexi and looks like she might feel just a teeny bit bad for once. Maybe it’s just gas?

Sporty’s mom tells him that he’s not the son she raised and that he’s done terrible things. Holy shit, if this turns out be my son at some point I’d be horrified. I don’t know if I could live with myself.

Mom finds an empty pack of the pills she’s selling for work in Shane’s jacket in her car. She’s worried that he might drink because drinking cannot happen when you’re on those pills and he doesn’t know that. She calls her friend and they go looking for him. Good lord, is another person in this woman’s family going to die??

Sporty calls his friend and asks for the time stamp on the video email that went out.

Mom fruitlessly looks for Shane.

Sporty goes to talk to his Ex and tells her that he got arrested today. She says she heard and is all smiley about it. He asks her why she hates him. She says she doesn’t. Is he secretly recording this conversation? We all know how he likes to secretly record things.

She tells him that he treated her like trash and that he told her he loved her and wanted to marry her (they’re 17!) and asked for a $400 jacket for his birthday and then dumped her the next day. Wow, he does sound even shittier than I already thought he was. He starts sweet talking her which really makes me think that he’s recording the conversation.

You’ll never believe this- HE’S RECORDING HER IN SECRET! His most favorite thing. She freaks out when she sees the tape recorder.

He laughs because he’s the worst. He totally thinks he’s innocent and it makes me ill.

Anyway, she runs inside and DOUBLE SURPRISE! She has a giant old revolver that she grabs to shoot him with. This may be the craziest twist ever. I did not see it coming. It’s just right on a bed side table, ready for shooting.

She jumps in her convertible and runs after him- he sees her in his rear view pretty quickly. He sits in his car like an idiot and just listens to her admitting that she sent the email.

She runs up to him and says she needs to talk to him and he’s all “go home!” so she pulls the gun on him and says to give her the recorder.

Maybe her whole plan is to scare him with the gun and then get the recorder?

Of course he grabs the gun and it goes off and he gets shot and killed. She’s upset but deals with it all surprisingly well. Has she shot someone before? She digs through his pants and finds the recorder and then also grabs his wallet and then calmly leaves his house, wiping her fingerprints on the way out.

Meanwhile Mom is still looking for Shane but I had forgotten because of all the batshit craziness happening in the other storyline.

Ex runs over to Lexi’s house and plants Sporty’s wallet, presumably trying to frame them for his death. She’s clearly a career criminal. If this town has any open cases I urge them to re-open them looking at this girl as the mastermind behind them.

Mom finds Shane on the street somehow, in San Francisco, as you do. He’s been drinking.

Sporty’s mom comes home and finds him dead.

Mom gets Shane to come home with her.

The police department hears about Sporty’s death.

Mom and Shane have a heart to heart about how he’s important to her but snooooooooze, I’m just waiting to get back to the crazy blonde who has a giant, cartoonish revolver.

The police ask the Ex when the last time she saw Sporty and she says yesterday. She says that he was upset because Shane had beaten him up and threatened him. VERY SMOOTH. You are a true sociopath, girl.

The detective says that it’s weird that he would come talk to her since they aren’t friends anymore and she says they’ve been fine for weeks. Oh, you’re pushing it. The detective says they had a public fight at school just a few days ago and she tries to play it off but there were a lot of witnesses so yeah. Also, Lexi died like a week ago so your timeline is wildly off, girl.

The detective tells Mom that he needs to talk to Shane alone. Of course it’s about beating up Sporty. The detective thinks some vigilante justice may be at play here. Shane blows it off but says he’s glad Sporty is dead but he didn’t kill him. Detective gets a search warrant for Mom’s house.

The cops find Sporty’s wallet, just as Ex planned. It’s all coming together.

Shane is in jail and he’s had some time to think and he thinks he’s being framed by the Ex which makes him smarter than most people in this town. He even figured out that it’s because Sporty probably found a way to prove that she sent the video. Man, one night sober in jail and he’s really firing on all cylinders. Mom says that she believes him. He asks her to figure out what was going on between Sporty and his Ex.

What it’s like when Chris takes photos:

You get the idea. You could make stop motion animations of whole scenes.

Mom goes over to Sporty’s house to talk to his mom about the Ex. His mom says that he mentioned trying to get the Ex to admit that she sent the video but that was it and the next time she saw him he was dead. She wonders if maybe he told his football buddy, Ex’s new boyfriend. They call him and he’s just sitting in his room, holding the crazy Ex in silence. Life’s a party over there. He answers their questions while Ex looks terrified in his lap. Mom asks if there are security cameras at the school and he says yes and they’re all thanks and hang up. These moms should start a detective agency because the police never thought to ask about SECURITY CAMERAS?!! Shut up, movie.

Ex is all “why did you say the school has security cameras?” because she knows it doesn’t. He says they were put in last year and she runs the fuck out of there in the least smooth way possible.

The moms and the principal are at school looking at the cameras and getting ready to watch some footage. Ex walks in and sees the camera, says “oh my god” and runs out of the school.

They find the tape of her going in and out just at the time that the email was sent. Busted! Sporty’s mom wants to take the tapes to the police and Mom is all “this is nothing compared to what they have on Shane…” Chris- “a wallet??” Yeah, what the shit? Take the tapes to the police.

Ex runs home and tells her dad that she sent that sex video email and that maybe she also shot Sporty. Dad is all “Oh god, this is bad, you committed murder.” She says that they were going to blame her for Lexi’s death so she had to but not to worry, she has been framing Lexi’s shady brother and he’s already been arrested. Dad is not terrified that his daughter is such a cool and collected murderer. In fact! He asks what she did with the gun which she put back on his bedside table and then says that they have to get rid of it and she’s all “Awww, I love you dad.” THIS SCENE WAS SO CRAZY. I can’t even.

The moms drive up to Ex’s house as she and her dad are getting in the car to destroy his gun. They are all “we know you sent the email” and the dad is all “get in the car” but she doesn’t listen. The moms say they know what happened and she freaks out and… GRABS THE GUN.

This girl can be counted on to escalate every situation to the craziest level ever in 5 seconds. They are all “What the eff??” and she says they’re not going to ruin HER life! She also says that Sporty accused her, yes her, of being psycho and that was not nice. Yeah, he was definitely wrong about you.

She turns the gun on herself but because she’s an idiot, she shoots herself in the leg by accident and then freaks out because it hurts so much.

She cries about how sorry she is and Sporty’s mom, the nurse, tries to help her. Chris would not help her, and I probably wouldn’t either.

Enjoy prison! This movie is totally crazy. It starts out being infuriating and then goes wildly off the rails to crazytown.

I thought this movie was about how you should never text nudes and I was so, so wrong.