Jenni and I both saw this movie when it originally aired on tv and here we are, 21 years later (eeeek), watching it again! This movie is famous because it’s the movie that tells things from Joey’s point of view. The one with Drew Barrymore is the one that was based more actual facts. This movie infuriated me when I was 14 so I can’t even imagine how I’m going to feel after 20 more years of feminism under my belt.
For those of you who don’t remember Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco- she was a teenager who shot his wife and said they were having an affair and in on the plan and he pretended to have no idea about it and was all “who, me? I love my wife!”… but then all these motel records came out and people at motels said he stayed there with her and the jig was up and he went to jail for statutory rape and then went to jail more times for other crimes because he’s a lying piece of shit. That’s the short version, feel free to google.
The real Amy and Joey:
The movie opens with Joey drumming, really sweaty (I can’t spell his last name so he’s going to be Joey from here on out) and he’s having a coke binge.
Jenni totally remembered that this is how it opened! She has an even better memory than I do! I am very impressed. He goes to a cemetery and pays respects to his mother but in a super fast and sweaty way because of the cocaine.
Warning- this movie is AMAZING to look at so there are a lot of photos of bubble butts, stone wash and various other Long Island things from the early 90s.
This guy looks nothing like the real Joey. He does probably dress as badly though. His wife, Mary Jo, is waiting up for him. It’s 5am so the anger inside her has really kept her awake for this moment. She tells him how it’s gonna be and makes him sit down and listen to her. She’s going to drive him over to rehab and he’s going to clean up and if he does this coke again she’s going to take the kids and leave him.
We think this hair and beard is fake- this guy is so hairy if it’s real. SO HAIRY.
CUT TO- he’s clean. How simple that rehab was. If only everyone could go to rehab behind an edit.
Mary Jo shows up and is all “you shaved your beard!” and I thought she was wearing a short short dress but there are pink leggings or pants under it that match her skin color. This movie is really showing me how Long Island started the leggings as pants trend that we’re still living in today.
They’re super happy and he’s talking about how beautiful and amazing his wife is. He’s supposed to be clean now but they both seem more coked up now. So much love between these two, though.
Now he’s working at some garage arm wrestling his coworkers. Cue Amy Fisher showing up to get her car fixed. She is all “I just got my learner’s permit” and I’m all “are we supposed to think she’s 14?” In 1991 Amy Fisher was but I just don’t believe Alyssa Milano is. Jenni thinks her accent is 100% more Jersey than Long Island… Great casting on this one, 1993.
Her dad is talking to Joey and is all “this is Joey, Joey’s gonna take care of you” and I see what they did there. Very subtle, movie.
She’s wearing the most ill fitting sweater jumpsuit and he checks her out while she waves bye as her dad drives.
OMG- new scene in an even worse outfit. Grey see-through leggings, a belt and a cropped button up shirt.
I can see her whole cha-cha, you guys. The camera slowly panned up her to show how awesome she looked while Jenni and I went “AGH!”
She is back in the garage because something else happened to her car. I know that in real life he said she kept damaging her car and he said it was so she could see him but I guess they’re quickly editing this together so I thought it was the same damage at first. I was all “why is it taking them so long to fix her car? It’s been a year!”
She tells him a gross story about how high school dudes are terrible in bed and she did some dude working on their house when she was 12 (this angle shows her full vagina in these legging pants ) and he’s all BONERS about this. He thinks she’s so incredible. She says she can tell he works out because of his arms and he’s all BONERS!
Should I skim past the fact that he has a 10 year old daughter about now? In a few years would he find 12 year olds having sex stories “hot” and “incredible?”
The guys at the garage stand around in the worst jeans 1993 had to offer and discuss how they’d like to fuck this 15 year old girl.
Joey is in the shower singing which gives some foreshadowing as to how bad the band he’s in is supposed to be.
He and his wife have some hot and heavy shower sex to prove his point that he didn’t need to bang this teenager.
Amy comes in, in these bananas butt jeans, to eat pizza with him and look at a photo of Mary Jo in her wedding dress.
He’s all “Sorry, I got the big V!” when she asks if they’re having more kids. She crawls all over him and he gives her the cold shoulder because he’s so above all this.
She asks for his shirt because she says she wants his shirt on her body.
Him: It might be a little big on you.
Her: I can handle your size.
Him: You can handle extra large?
Her: I can handle anything you give me.
The clunkiest foreplay I’ve ever heard in my life. Ugh city. She asks him to take her home and he says sure. Jenni is pretty sure that in this version, since it’s from his perspective, has him not giving into her sexual advances but he just said he was driving her home after that gross exchange above so now I’m confused.
He works with his dad and his brothers so it turns out it was all in the family when they stood there talking about wanting to bang a teenager. Double gross.
His brother is all “she wants you!” and Joey is all “no way, she’s just a kid” because he’s the stupidest person in the world. I mean, after that previous scene? Really?!?!
Joey runs into Amy and her friend at a carnival and she’s all “I’m so glad I totaled the Daytona, I love the LeBaron so much!” because brand new cars are her thing.
He’s waiting for his kids to get off some ride and she grabs him and pulls him in for a big old cotton candy kiss. She’s so sexually aggressive and he’s so innocent, this poor man!
He runs back to his family and her friend is all “what are you doing??” She says they’ve been dating for a while and have had sex twice. It was super “slow and sensitive” and I refuse to believe anything Joey B has done in his life has been slow and sensitive. She also says he’s rich. What? Maybe she has him confused with her father.
Amy calls the garage while he’s in there crooning and sanding something, as you do. He freaks out and leaves. We know her dad called the DA but that’s all we know.
The score is a long drum solo that may be from when he was drumming in a coke binge at the beginning.
Joey gets to this giant house and her parents are freaking out “HOW DARE YOU!” and he says that he’s happily married and has two beautiful children and he loves his wife.
Amy is crying in a chair and her dad is all “you said Joey gave you the herpes.” Hahahaha, best line ever.
Alyssa Milano’s performance here is so nuts- is she also on a coke binge? She admits that Joey didn’t give her the herpes.
Now her parents are screaming at her that she’s a liar. Joey is all “see, she was lying!” The end, right? I think that about wraps it up here.
He gets home and it’s all Normal Rockwell with adorable kids saying they love him and his wife kissing him and wow, what a family guy this saint is.
If you’re innocent and you’re in this awesome marriage, now would be a great time to tell your wife about the crazy day you’ve had. Joey opts to keep it a secret, of course.
Now he’s so Long Island at some bar watching a band in a mesh shirt. Why isn’t this his band?! I just want to see his terrible band play.
Of course Amy is at this bar. She bounces up to him all “are you still mad at me?!?” and he says of course he is.
He tries to get away from her and she’s all “where’s your wife?” Then she’s all “what would it be like if you weren’t married?”
This saint of a man,is all “I can’t even imagine not being married” because he’s the best husband in all the land. Jenni thinks this movie was made before a lot of the proof came out at the trial. Lifetime still makes these movies before trials are over (this was a movie of the week though because that’s how things worked back then)- The Amanda Knox one was made super early on in the case for example and before the re-trial etc…
How did she get it? He didn’t give it to her. Why must all of the bad things happen to him?!
Amy is at school and hangs up on someone and is all in a huff. Her friend from the carnival is a cheerleader and is all “get over Joey, what’s so great about him anyway??” and Amy is all “I want to be grown up and I want to have a family and Joey would be the perfect husband.”
Jenni- these two adult women look so weird in this high school. Also, Amy is wearing a weird side belt with a beeper on it that is amazing, it exactly balances out her side ponytail.
Mary Jo is in the kitchen doing dishes and singing because this is the only room we see this woman in. Amy is at the door trying to sell her candy and she’s rocking back and forth and bouncing up and down because she’s definitely coked up, right?
Mary Jo goes inside to get money to buy a candy bar and Amy motions to some dude in the bushes with a shotgun (!!). Um, who is this guy? What the fuck?
He doesn’t shoot her and Amy is so effing pissed that she says she’s going to have his legs broken because she gave him free sex AND $600 so they had a deal.
I totally forgot the theory that she was a prostitute that flew at some point, I think we’re seeing that now. Man, this case was a mess. What a strange time to be 14 and reading the news. It was after the Anita Hill case which was also a weird time to be a girl hearing the news. Jenni and I discussed this over lunch before deciding to watch this. I just looked up Joey’s wiki page because we remembered him doing a weird celebrity show and wanted to see what it was- it was celebrity boxing and he was supposed to box John Wayne Bobbit- ugh, another piece of news from the time. When little girls learned that husbands can also rape you. Memories. And then that those abusive, rapist husbands get porn careers offered to them. So effed up.
Amy shows up to tell Mary Jo that her husband is fucking her 16 year old sister. But she’s pretending to be someone named Anne Marie and saying weird shit and being twitchy (this movie never says she’s coked up but clearly the director was telling Alyssa Milano “now do it again, but more coked up!” for her takes) so Mary Jo is all “I’m going to go call my husband” but she produces his work shirt.
Mary Jo goes to walk back into the house and Amy pulls a gun a shoots her in the back of the head and then runs away.
We are 47 minutes into this movie. Jenni thinks the next hour will be dedicated to the smear campaign the police and the court ran against this poor, innocent man. EYE ROLL.
The Joey B family is at the hospital and a detective shows up to ask some questions. Joey is all confused about why there’d be any questions about the shooting. Duh, she was shot! All of these people are idiots. His dad and brother are all “why is this cop here?!” Face palm.
This doctor who is always playing middle eastern doctors on Law and Order tells him that they have to operate now or she will probably die. She could end up being paralyzed though if they operate. He stands there like a doofus.
Amy is all over some dude at the gym and he’s all “I can’t leave my girlfriend, she’s the mother of my kid” but he’s also Amy’s boyfriend? She has some taste!
Someone shows him the newspaper article about Joey’s wife and Amy feigns interest but says “can you believe she got shot in the head and lived?”
Mary Jo comes to and Joey is up in her face. Talk about a rude awakening!
He asks if she knows who did this and she nods slowly. She writes Anne Marie but then says she had the shirt from the garage… Joey is all “That’s Mr. Fisher’s daughter!” He’s so innocent that he doesn’t even think of her as Amy.
The police ask Joey about his guns and he says that he has a bunch of them. Was Long Island just teeming with guns in the early 90s? Why does everyone have several?
The police drive up on her and arrest her and she’s all “he told me we could be together if I killed his wife.” The police are all “so you conspired with him??” she says she lied before that he gave her the gun but he knew this was the plan. She apologizes for lying. Apology accepted.
Then she tells a stupid story that makes no sense and the police laugh about what a liar she is. She starts over and tells the story again starting back at the first time she met him at the garage. Joey is outside pacing. The cops tell him that she says they had an affair and he’s all “that’s what she’s telling you?!?!”
He’s all “she kept coming into my garage and I always treated her with respect.” Why can’t more men be like this shining example?
Joey is all “what could happen to a guy if he did sleep with a 16 year old?” and the cops are all “I’m pretty sure the statutory rape laws have been taken off the books.” They’re tricking him and he’s so dumb that he falls for it. They ask why he’s asking and he’s all “it doesn’t apply to me since I never did that…” Very smooth.
Mary Jo lays in a hospital bed all fucked up while the news says that Joey had an affair with Amy for the last year. Joey is so pissed! How dare they lie about his good name!
Mary Jo is so upset in the hospital because of the pain and her being disfigured and all. Joey tells her she’s going to be deaf in her right ear and she’s sad. He picks her up to carry her to the shower because he’s the greatest and most loving husband any woman could ask for. As he picks her up his wife asks if he had an affair with this girl and Joey is all “no way, she’s nuts!” But she could be nuts AND he could have an affair with her, those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Jenni points out that they had a sexy shower before but now they have a sad, humiliating shower scene for balance. Deep.
Joey tells the police he wants them to rescind on the whole telling the press he had an affair with Amy and they’re all “we don’t want egg on our face, no way” about it. He can’t catch a break! He has written a statement that he wants to read but the cops intimidate him out of it because they are so mean.
They gather around to watch Amy on A Current Affair. Oh man, I remember when she did the show circuit. I think they are implying she’s a prostitute now but I’m not sure because this movie is so hazy on so many plot points.
Now he’s in church, and some dude shows him the NY Post that says that Joey is who got her into prostitution. It’s hard out there for a nice, hardworking family man. This guy (TURNS OUT TO BE HIS LAWYER), in church, asks Joey “how was she?” Joey continues to deny it and swears on his mother’s grave.
Now Amy’s in jail in her jail jammies, writing in her notebook about how her mother should have never had her.
Oh, it’s a letter to her boyfriend Paul. The one who has a girlfriend and a kid he’s cheating on with her. There are drawings all over the walls. What kind of prison is this?
Her bail is set at 2 million dollars and the news says even serial killers get bail set lower than that. They ask her friends if they were part of her escort service and the media is up in everyone’s faces.
Joey makes jokes with the media about Paul McCartney and brings them drinks. Whatta guy!
Mary Jo is all “who are you yelling at out there??” She just wants some peace and quiet and yeah, of course. Man, Mary Jo got the short end of the stick in all ways on this story.
Joey is all “they’re just doing their jobs” because he’s THAT nice in this movie. He doesn’t even hate the tabloid people on their lawn.
Mary Jo loses it and she’s absolutely correct. Her husband is the worst and she got shot in the head.
The wiki for Amy Fisher says that she only served 6 years and then became a journalist before starting her adult film career. What a ride it’s been, huh? And she’s married so there is truly someone out there for everyone.
His family tells him that he needs to stop showing off and dressing like a fancy guy with his “eel skin boots.” He thinks he’s so cool.
They definitely don’t look like a group that should be giving fashion tips… just sayin’. Also, eel skin? Is that a thing people wear?
Somehow this crime is affecting the garage business and that’s not fair because Joey is innocent. Oh god, his dad has a heart attack over this news.
His dad does look like he aged 20 years since this movie began so I’m not shocked. Jenni thinks I have his dad confused with one of his brothers so maybe he hasn’t aged that much. All Buttafuocos look alike to me.
Joey is crying on his dad’s grave and they gave him wolverine hair. Remember his coke binge cemetery scene at the beginning? Well, this is his come to Jesus cemetery scene. Such clever storytelling. Oh wait, this is his mom’s grave again so I guess his dad didn’t die? Weird way to order the scenes, movie!
Mary Jo is all pissed and at court but she looks fine, which is not like the Mary Jo in real life who had plastic surgery more than 10 years later and still looks messed up from that bullet.
The court makes her go through a metal detector and then is all “whooops, we forgot you have a bullet in your head.” Har har, sigh.
The living father who tricked us before comes over. He wants Mary Jo to let Amy take a plea because it’s affecting the shop. She’s displeased to say the least.
Then the lawyer shows up to tell them that she got a plea for assault and 5-15 years. Mary Jo is so pissed! They made her a deal so that they can focus on going after Joey. Just another time a regular ol’ nice guy gets screwed by the system.
They all sit around as a family and watch Hard Copy. Why? Ugh, these poor children. Amy’s shady boyfriend Paul made some video showing Amy bragging about how she’s going to shoot Mary Jo the next day and sells it to Hard Copy. Joey’s dad is all “he’s a rat, he sold her out.” Why is this dad all about protecting Amy?? Mary Jo is glad he sold out his shitty girlfriend.
Mary Jo talks to the cops and then comes out all “it’s over!” and hugs Joey and they all celebrate while holding the kids in a true family portrait.
When the eff did this happen? In Joey’s dreams?
Amy tells the grand jury that she did not lie about her affair. The judge chastises her but sentences her to 5-15 years which we already knew so it’s not that big of a bomb to drop, judge.
Then there is an amazing freeze frame ending that is my most favorite thing in the whole movie. Look at that Mary Jo side eye.
I hope Lifetime airs the Drew Barrymore version soon so I can watch it for balance. I still can’t believe that Mary Jo stayed married to this piece of crap for another 10 years or so. Sigh x100.