Double Daddy.

I have been terrible about posting on the blog but I did move across the country and then have to find a new place and then find jobs and then a dog and other things and it’s taken a backseat unfortunately.  I found myself in Florida earlier this week and of course Double Daddy comes on tv when I’m totally not prepared with a computer or camera but I watched it and enjoyed it anyway.  Now I’m going to try and remember what happened in it for your enjoyment.  I’m taking photos from the internet so the quality/size will be all over the place.

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The movie opens with teenaged boys at some stupid high school party and one guy says to his friend that his girlfriend doesn’t get back into town for like 3 more weeks and that’s a long time to go without any action.  Furthering the myth that tv lies to us with- on Friends when Ross might literally die because he hasn’t done it for THREE WHOLE MONTHS etc… high school boys throughout history have managed to go 18 years so I think 3 weeks isn’t a huge deal, calm down idiots.

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Cue Heather.  She’s new and from the wrong side of the tracks and she can’t wait to get this dude some more drinks and then bang him in his dad’s car.  He seems against it but then he gets super wasted and looks like he’s about to pass out when she takes a selfie with him pre-sex in his dad’s Mercedes.  Um, no one focuses on how rapey this is.  He literally doesn’t remember it happening later and has no idea about the photo being taken.  That is beyond wrong and illegal but since he’s a boy apparently he must have been into it so that’s that.  Oof.

We see Heather at home googling the car they had sex in and it’s for sale for 99k on some website and she’s all “I picked a good one this time!”  So there you go, Heather is looking for a rich guy to knock her up.  How does she know that banging a drunk teen’s flaccid weiner once will do the trick?  No idea!  But of course it does because this is a Lifetime Movie.

Now Connor (rich kid) is at school with his girlfriend Amanda being all smoochy at her locker- did she get back into town after months and not see him until school started?

This SAME day she tells her friend that she’s late.  So she either has been pregnant for 2+ months (since before she left for summer) or for like one day if she saw him yesterday.  Either way, it doesn’t make any sense at all.

Meanwhile, bad girl Heather posts a sexy selfie biting the pregnancy test and purring to her social media so she’s not shy at all (and not worried about putting something she peed on into her mouth).  The news travels around school like wild fire.

She’s super poor, her dad sucks and they live in a dilapidated shack but she has a super nice phone and tons of make up.  She doesn’t have to work though so I don’t know how that kind of poverty works.  Also her mom abandoned the family like 4 years ago and she hasn’t heard from her since.  Of course instead of getting a job or trying to get into college, a much better plan is to get pregnant with a rich kid’s kid.  So crafty!

She updates her social media with the drunk selfie with Connor saying what a great dad he’ll be.  Amanda’s friend gently tells her to look at the post.  Amanda is crushed, of course, and so she dumps Connor and doesn’t tell him about the baby she’s maybe having.  He’s just sort of hang dog, standing around, looking confused through most of these scenes.

Now sweet Amanda finds out for sure that she’s pregnant and her parents call her out on it. They’re a little bit freaked out but then her mom is all “I had to make a decision just like this when I was 19 so I get it” and her dad agrees even though she is 17 and not done with high school etc… So they tell her they’ll help her with the baby and they need to talk to Connor’s parents.  She doesn’t tell them about Connor’s bullshit or that he doesn’t know she’s pregnant or that they have broken up but they leave for his house.

Oh, at some point her sister was crying about how she still can’t get pregnant so that will come up again.

Amanda texts Connor that she’s pregnant and he gets it literally as her family arrives at their house.  His parents are furious and also the bomb is dropped that he got another girl pregnant and she’s poor and needs tons of assistance.  His parents flip their shit.

There are SO MANY scenes in this movie of both girls being all “I am doing what’s best for my baby” and then saying something like “but I can’t afford food or clothes and I don’t have insurance” or “but with no father and now I can’t go to college.”  How would any of this be best for the baby?  It’s BAFFLING!  I was yelling at the tv so much.  Only Connor’s parents briefly mention abortion and Amanda is SCANDALIZED because that would not be what’s best for her baby, you guys.  Whatever.  Abort them all.  You guys are in high school.  And I say that as a person who had a teenaged mom.

The only person who tells Amanda this is crazy is her sister who is also pissed that she can’t get pregnant and her 17 sister is having this accident baby while in high school.

So now Connor’s parents know they will be supporting Heather/that baby and that Amanda is having one.  Something happens and Heather has to go to the hospital and Connor goes to make sure she’s okay and his mom goes as well.

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His mom lets Heather know that she’s onto her game and that she wants a paternity test.  Heather now is mock SCANDALIZED despite the fact that we see that she has a boyfriend named Trent who is awful and when he comes to see her gives off incredibly strong rapey vibes but finds out she is with someone else and leaves instead of throwing her around more.  Heather is all “Connor knows me, he knows I’ve only been with him” and like Connor doesn’t even know her last name soooooooo.

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At school Heather is all “I need more stuff for our baby” loudly to Connor in front of Amanda and Amanda tells her off and Heather is all “we’re having a baby together and he loves me (hahaha)” and Amanda drops the “I’m also pregnant” bomb and now the school must be really buzzing but Heather is so mad that her crazy eyes grow twice in size and she starts pushing her and a teacher breaks it up once Amanda knocks Heather down and she holds her stomach dramatically.

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Amanda has an ultrasound and her mom lets Connor come along because her mom knows Connor wants her back and is all wink wink, I’ll help you.  Her parents are the coolest parents in any Lifetime Movie ever.  They smile and flirt over her ultrasound and that’s also weird for two high schoolers with their mom but here we are.

At some point Amanda starts googling this Heather girl since no one really knows anything about her.  She finds her old school and the last guy she did this to- Dylan.  It turned out she was not pregnant that time and just hustled some money out of him before getting caught.  Then she changed schools.  Amanda calls her out on it at school and no one seems to care, including Connor.  It seems like pertinent info but they all sweep it under the rug.

I don’t remember exactly but he gets her back and they’re a couple again.  No one ever brings up when she got pregnant or if she’s 3 months pregnant or 3 days pregnant so it’s a mystery for the ages.  Heather hates that they’re back together in case that’s not super obvious.

Heather texts Connor like 50 times an hour and he hates it and it’s coming between him and Amanda.  Don’t you hate it when you’re trying to flirt with your teenaged girlfriend but the other girl you knocked up won’t leave you alone?  THE WORST!

One day she is texting him over and over and then takes some pill because he won’t call her back and apparently it’s something you shouldn’t take when pregnant and so she texts him that.  He runs to her place to check on her and is HORRIFIED but her living conditions.  He asks where the baby will be and she says in her room and excitedly shows him… and dirty corner full of laundry on a broken floor next to an old mattress.  He’s less than thrilled and freaks out and tells him mom.  Also, her dad shows up and is all “are you responsible for her condition?” and Connor says he thinks so and the dad is all “sorry kid.”  While there Heather texts Amanda as if she’s Connor saying he’ll be staying over tonight.

The way a totally balanced pregnant teenager eats an apple:  dd_3.jpg

His mom comes up with a plan to pay off this girl and her dad and gets a lawyer to write up the papers saying they are off the hook for this baby if they take the check.  The check is for $100,000!  Her dad takes one look at that check and sees $$$ in his eyes, signs whatever and then promptly skips town.  I assume that means he can’t keep the check since he didn’t follow the rules laid out?  Enjoy skipping town with that canceled check, deadbeat.

Heather gets home and everything is gone and even this shitty house is worse than before and she can’t really live there.  She goes to Connor’s and tells his mom that she needs to stay there and somehow that is happening.  Connor and Amanda come into the house holding hands and giggling when they see her and she says she lives there now. Amanda runs out of the house and tells him this changes everything.  He acts like this is all so not a big deal- like he can just have two babies and juggle them with homeroom.  It’s bizarre.

Heather loves selfies so she immediately takes selfies with Connor’s sleeping body now that they’re roomies.

Her ex boyfriend Trent shows up threatening to tell everyone she has done this before (which Amanda already did and no one cared so I don’t get why this would be a big deal).  Why Amanda or Connor didn’t tell Connor’s parents I’ll never understand.  For some reason Heather goes ape this time and just kills him like it’s nothing.

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Goodbye Trent.

She puts his body (being pregnant gives you super human strength) into Connor’s dad’s fancy sex car and takes it… somewhere?  She just has keys to their cars?

Amanda and Connor go to a birthing class like they’re an old couple and they flirt and make out a little.  No matter how cute they try to make these two I will not believe that being parents is the best thing for them right now.  Nice try, movie!

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While she’s out Heather sees Connor and Amanda in a car being all couple-y and just rages and rages alone.

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Amanda tells Connor that maybe they should give their baby to her sister and then she and her husband could raise it while they’d still get to see it.  It’s the most logical thing said in this movie so far and probably will be forever and ever.  Connor says that if that’s what she wants then he’s on board.  They are a very even keeled teenaged couple.

Amanda gets out of the car to walk into her house and Heather speeds by in the Mercedes and tries to run her over.  No one recognizes this as Connor’s dad’s car?  This happening is never brought up.

Then Heather gets back to Connor’s house and his mom is annoyed with her for some reason and Heather throws a plate at her face and tells her she hates her.  This won’t get you more money out of Connor’s mom!  This will most likely get you arrested instead.  Connor comes home and his mom says that Heather assaulted him so he kicks her out.  Where does she go?  I don’t know but probably back to the house that was deemed unlivable before?

They go on a school field trip to some nature preserve or something woodsy.  Amanda has to pee, and there is a good “ahhh, pregnancy” nod between her and the teacher that is off putting.  She is told to stay on the trail back to the main building but this girl is not outdoorsy and she doesn’t seem to know what a trail is so she’s immediately lost.  Don’t worry, Heather finds her.

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This is the scene the commercials played up!  They fight in the woods (Heather has a knife by the way, the knife she eats apples with) and Heather gets knocked down a hill and is all “I’m going into labor! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!” as Amanda is walking away.

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I disagree, I would not help her and I would charge with the whole trying to stab me to death thing.  Move on, Amanda.

Amanda helps her and she has her stupid baby and it’s a boy.  Like right there in the woods she pushes once and Amanda delivers the baby.  I’m not joking, that happened.

Then, weeks later, Amanda has her baby and the families are all there and it’s a girl and there are photos and it’s so loving, so different from Heather who had hers in the woods after she tried to murder someone.

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Her sister now says the stupidest thing- that this baby is clearly theirs and she can’t take it.  They can make it work because they’re in love.  Nope, no, no.

So they were basically the same amount of pregnant?  Ugh, no one involved with this movie knows how pregnancy works.  She was one day pregnant when she found out!  That’s not a thing.  The lack of umbilical cord, mess, pushing implies no one knew about birth either.  Sigh.

Connor’s parents bring in the boy and they take a big family portrait.  Heather is not there though because she’s been arrested for murder (FINALLY).  So these two 17 year olds are now raising two kids and everyone thinks it’s a good thing because they love each other.

At the jail her lawyer is talking to her about how she’s going to do a lot of time and she asks him for some water when she sees his smart phone.  He leaves the cell and she takes some sexy prison selfies and posts them online and sends them saying she’ll be out soon #kisssyface.

 

 

 

 

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