Summer Love. (Hallmark)

Are you ready for Rachel Leigh Cook to play a widowed suburban mom who gets into the million dollar app game? Well, it’s happening whether you’re ready or not so hold onto your butts.

Summer Love

Summer Love

^^^ the photoshopping in of the guy on the right is my favorite thing right now ^^^

My guests today are Sarah (not my sister) and Other Kelly because I have so many friends named Kelly that I have a special naming convention. It opens on a beautiful scenery shot and Rachel Leigh Cook driving her daughter to camp in a Range Rover so she can go do an internship. Did that movie “The Internship” make old people everywhere think they can also be unpaid labor? Why?!?

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She gets to camp and other people there have dads so the daughter has sad face. She assures her mom that she’s a great mom AND dad and they have a very weird moment. Does Rachel Leigh Cook actually have kids in real life because it’s as though she’s never spent time with one in her life.

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The camp counselor walks up and is all “I heard your husband died” which is weird. The daughter says goodbye and says she’ll see her again if she survives. Making death jokes feels weird but this family may have a morbid sense of humor?

She’s supposed to live in Seattle but clearly they filmed in Vancouver.
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Rachel Leigh Cook drives up to her BEAUTIFUL HOUSE AND WE’RE ALL HOLY SHIT HER HORRIBLE LIFE. Th real estate market is so shitty that we’re like “husband whatever, look at your house!” We’re monsters.

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She wistfully looks at all of their fancy vacation safaris and stuff and then gets on the computer and starts coding and reading books and looking at pie charts so we’re like “what is she doing??” Studying? Working?

(Going through the photos Other Kelly took I now see that she’s a student at Vanderton Community College so she won’t even have a BA at the end of this but says that she’s been going for 6 years… hmmm)

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Now she’s late to a class that seems to be taking place in a library and taught by Scully’s therapist from X-Files is the 65 year old teacher so you know she has her finger on the pulse of what’s happening in tech.

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She just gives them all packets saying where they’ll be interning this semester so that’s easy. No applying or anything! Interniing is also 50% of their grade so that’s also easy! Rachel Leigh Cook is all “K!ZZM!T?” when she looks in her packet and EVERYONE IS FUCKING SHOCKED.

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Like, no one can believe that she’d be assigned such a plum internship because she’s so old and out of touch. She’s all “I’m only 35!” and her fellow students look grossed out to hear such an old age. They tell her K!ZZM!T is the parent company for “Talker” which is that “social media app.” Sarah asks, if she’s if she’s in school to do tech then wouldn’t she know the big companies?? Yes, great question. Also, Talker = Twitter and not Gawker as you/I may have assumed.

Clementine also watches with us:
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She goes to work? Something? At an outdoors store with her friend who is all “you can do this!” when she says the other students are so young. We still don’t know if she works there but we know that she and her husband climbed mountains so we’re one step closer to finding out how he died. Other Kelly says that she put like 7 price stickers on this item so if she does work there she’s not good at it.

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Rachel Leigh Cook shows up at work and the receptionist is all “you need an intern? You have to go to HR.” She has to clarify that she IS the intern and the girl is agape, AGAPE, at how old she is but says she’s psyched to have seniority over her and then gives her a tour of the kitchen and she sits at a table with other interns.

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They’re all very bizarre looking. One looks like if you exaggerated all of Ryan Gosling’s features times 100. I was going to call him Canadian Gosling but Gosling IS Canadian so that doesn’t even work. One looks stretched out longwise.

She gets assigned to accounting or something? And heads upstairs but she can’t figure out how to get in the door, LITERALLY, and tries to scan her eyeball because she’s an idiot.

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Like, this isn’t even about her age at this point, has she ever had a real job? Some handsome guy teases her but then lets her in and she’s all “thank you, handsome, I bet my new boss is a control freak hahahaha” and SURPRISE this guy is her new handsome boss the CFO. She sits down at his desk and just unloads her giant purse onto it for no reason.

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Then some other guy, the CEO, pops in with coffee from an exclusive resort in Thailand called “black ivory.” This place is so fucking awesome they fly in coffee from Thailand BY THE CUP. Also, that cup is clearly empty. Bring coffee beans back you idiots. This cup of coffee would be terrible by now.

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They both sit and gawk at her for being so “experienced” and she says she didn’t go to school for 16 straight years, she had a break. He’s all “follow your own path, that’s cool.” Then he literally grabs her hand and whisks her out a door to give her a tour.

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He keeps holding her hand and it’s making Sarah very uncomfortable. Then he’s like “this is my favorite spot on campus.

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And now we know he’s super interesting and not just a rich asshole because

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It’s a dirt pile! So deep. We all roll our eyes.

He’s wearing a very ugly, skin tight, ribbed shirt that is the color of light clay. When they return she realizes that he’s Will and he’s the CEO (despite her friend showing her his photo on the computer before and him walking right into the CFO’s office like that).

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The other interns are all SUPER PISSED when they see that she has befriended the CEO. Also, every intern has to develop an app during their internship here. Even the accounting ones? I guess so.

Now she’s drinking wine with her outdoor store friend and even her friend is all “YOU MET WILL??” her friend can remember his name and what he looks like and she doesn’t even work there! Friend thinks Will is hitting on her and that she has no radar.

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She explains that she didn’t need to have it because she met Nate (husband) when she dropped out of college and then had Nate so she’s been fine. Friend thinks maybe it’s time to get back out there and she’s all “no way, I’m too busy with my kid (who is not here) and this internship.” Yes, your plate sounds very full.

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She’s at work and no one is there so we thought she got there early but it turns out that everyone is outside at a cool barbecue but she’s all “I gotta get through this.” She has a pile of files and seems to be doing accounting furiously by hand so at least she’s doing work today even if it is bizarre.

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^^^ haha Will is lame af ^^^

At the barbecue they announce that Talker 2.0 is about to launch and that everyone at the company EVEN THE INTERNS get to compete to win some idea contest and the winner gets a $10,000 bonus. CFO is still in a stupid suit and getting calls saying “I gotta take this.” Will is all “are you going to enter?” and that he flew in this barbecue from Texas to Rachel Leigh Cook. Eye roll eye roll.

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The other interns make fun of her but the one with the long, skinny head thinks she’s pretty and great. He says he doesn’t get nuance so a little aspergers comic relief tossed in for good measure.

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She realizes that the other three interns hate her so she goes to talk to them at some pool place where they hang out without her.

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All of these interns are the worst and never seem to be working but how does she know they’re here? Anyway, she tells them she’s not trying to compete with them and they’re all “oh okay.” Why not compete with them? She doesn’t even know them? Who cares if they like her?

It’s a new day and she’s wearing the same dress but with a shirt over it and the highest heels ever. CEO and CFO get into an argument by the juice truck and the basic premise is that the company announced that Talker 2.0 next week or something but it’s not ready and they’re worried the company might fail.

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CFO says that Will spends all his time throwing BBQs and flirting with interns which does appear to be true. Of course she has walked up and overheard some of this. They’re worried and ask her but she says not to worry, she won’t say anything. She scurries away. CFO is all “I trust her” and Sarah thinks his face looks like if Donald and Eric Trump’s faces smooshed together.

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She finds the other interns YET AGAIN at the pool hall but this time in the middle of the day. She tells weird Gosling that her idea for an app is that it will tell you when a place opens and when the best times of day to go there so she’s talking about Google, right? He says it’s like task rabbit but she explains that she wants to run the errands, not the rabbit. He, for no apparent reason, thinks this is a great idea. Is he also in love with her? Are all of these dudes in love with her for no reason? Is he being serious? The phone rings and oooops she accidentally left with the CFO’s important USB drive and he asks her to bring it to him.

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She brings him the drive at a marina and is all “I could have brought this to your house” but he blows her mind with the news that this IS his house and he lives on a boat. They have a heart to heart about the sad desperation about the life of a CFO and she tells him his boat is beautiful. We muse that it must have a lot of below water rooms because it’s very small. One whole floor must just be suits.

She gets home to a postcard from her daughter about how much she hates the outdoors and won’t ever go to camp again because the outdoors are terrible. She tapes this to a cabinet? A fridge? Get a damned magnet, you weirdo.

The CEO and CFO ride in a car shot at a really weird angle.

Rachel Leigh Cook and her friend work at the outdoors store and she’s all “I’m broke and worried about money” and the friend says she’ll be okay. Apparently she can’t afford the last camp payment. Um, sell your Range Rover? Your big, beautiful house? Get a job (if you don’t actually work here)? The CEO and CFO pull up and friend sees their fancy car pull up and says that the answer to her problems could be just around the corner? Yes ladies, wait for some dude to pay your bills. Great plan!

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The dudes are weird when they’re there and say they need supplies. I thought they were playing tennis but they want rock climbing stuff. I don’t know, man. She and Will go rock climbing and it’s stupid. Sarah thought maybe she’d feel weird about rock climbing since her husband died falling off a mountain and all but she doesn’t seem to mind at all.

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She scurries quickly up the rocks because she’s so great and at the top there is a stupid table with wine and stuff set up and SURPRISE! you’re on a date.

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She seems excited by it. They have a stupid date and she explains that she works for the conservancy and wants less buildings built and he seems to agree? I don’t know. He seems to agree with whatever she says.

At work weird Gosling shows her his stupid app idea and it’s a penguin game that looks terrible. She says she likes it. Will walks in and is all “what’s this?” and then plays it and says it’s “far from perfect.” Yeah, no shit. Some intern just made this in a day. I assume whatever person wins would have their app actually developed by your team? I don’t know how tech works and I am even older than 35 so don’t listen to me.

They’re all doing something THAT YET AGAIN ISN’T WORK and looks like throwing balls around. The interns throw shade Rachel Leigh Cook’s way. Will comes in and says that he wants to hear ideas and weird Gosling says that he’s got one and no it’s not about penguins.

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^^^ We call this “haircuts and hats” ^^^

He then pitches exactly the idea she told him in the pool hall before and it’s no surprise to anyone. Well, anyone but her. She is SHOCKED.

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This idea is literally an app that tells you when places are open and where they are and when is a good time to go so that you can run errands more efficiently. Does this not already exist? The best part is it will tell you what parking spaces are available but that can’t be possible, right? Parking spaces are taken in seconds so you could get there and the space may have just been taken. He says it could save you “two hours per trip” so I guess this person is a professional errand runner? Will loves this idea and makes him project manager and he’s all “AWESOME!”

CFO sees right through weird Gosling and tells Rachel Leigh Cook that it’s weird that a 21 year old kid who is in college would come up with an app that would help single moms run errands. She lies and says she wishes she had come up with it to weird Gosling and it’s so annoying. Why give him your stupid idea? CFO says that they’re both bad liars.

CEO Will walks up and is all “are we still on for noon tomorrow?” She says yes but that it’s not a date. That’s weird? Not work appropriate either.

She’s having coffee with her teacher who says “you’re at the halfway point” and we are in the movie as well so don’t worry writers, Sarah noticed that wink wink. She says she’s not used to working in such a competitive environment and we all roll our eyes since she isn’t competing as much as possible.

At home Will picks her up for the noon thing and CFO (who turns out to be named Colin) has left flowers laying on the porch for him to find.

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She inexplicably leaves the flowers on the porch and takes off. Will thought they would be going to brunch but surprise they’ll be planting a bunch of crap in the wild. The scene is over in about 2 seconds.

At work where no one works her kid calls. The kid has learned what a land line is and has called her. My friends’ teenaged kids have been watching Friends to learn about the 90s so maybe this kid learned about landlines that way? Also, one bought jeans called “mom jeans” ON PURPOSE because that’s what teens are doing in 2017.

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They chit chat and she remembers she has a kid briefly. Then a guy comes in and delivers fancier flowers from Will to show up those lame wild flowers CFO Colin sent. When she stands up to receive the flowers her shirt is so tight that I can see her ribs through it.

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Now she’s “working” with CFO Colin and going over books but where are the accountants at this place? Shouldn’t she be working with the accounting department? Is their whole accounting department a single intern every three months? I think I just solved why they’re in such financial trouble!

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He asks her what her dreams are and she says that she used to dream of home schooling her daughter and traveling around the world but that all ended because you need money to do that. All that ended when her husband fell off that mountain I guess? Sarah- “Their life savings was in his backpack.” She starts talking about how busy she is and how one time she kept track of how many steps she took in a day (yes, I do that every time I put on my fitbit) and then is all LIGHTBULB and doesn’t finish her sentence and just takes off.

She comes up with this stupid app where you get sponsored for taking steps and somehow raise money for charities somehow (Other Kelly completely predicted). I don’t know, she has a bunch of numbers worked out and her friend tells her to take it to Colin CFO or Will CEO, duh, you have two dudes at the top of a tech company that you know.

She takes it to CFO’s house boat and he loves it. He wants her to make it herself and not bring it to pitch fest because if it wins the pitch they own it. She’s all “I didn’t know that” because she’s the dumbest and has no idea how tech works.

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(yes, my christmas lights are still up)

She goes to the intern group and weird Gosling admits to the entire group that he stole her idea but that she’s cool for letting him. They don’t hate him for this? Instead, they think she’s cool and that he’s great still. She asks for their help developing her idea and then just tells them the idea even though one of them has already stolen an idea from her. Good lord, this woman. She also says, to these three college students, that they can be equal partners.

Colin CFO confronts Will CEO about how his MO is meeting women and and then using them for a few weeks and then moving on. Well, he hasn’t even had sex with her or kissed her so I don’t get the feeling he’s not that smooth with women? Will can tell Colin is into her now and he hates it.

Montage of chinese food, coding, pizza, sleeping, coding. So fun! Her house is also beautiful inside but they seem to stay in one small room.

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She has lunch with Will and salts pickles before eating them.

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She spills water and excuses herself but while she’s gone he looks at her phone and forwards himself her “Steps for Good” app all from her locked home screen.

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Can you just do that? He asks her if she’s entering the pitch fest and she says no. Is he going to pitch it? How would that work?

Yup, at a big party he totally shows the new K!ZZM!T app and it’s called “Steps for Good” with the same logo and everything.

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All of the interns are shocked and pissed. As they should be! His dumb ass also bought 1000 acres of land to conserve as a clear move to silence her. The best part of this party is that he says Talker2.0 isn’t ready and people at this party, WHO WORK FOR THIS COMPANY, boooo and heckle “yeah, what’s up with that??” so his own people hate him too.

The other interns don’t believe her when she says she didn’t tell him about it. They’re betrayed despite one having stolen from her just a week ago. Then Will tells her that she’s an employee so he owns anything she thinks of. She says she’s an unpaid intern! He is all “Colin told me to announce this” but Will never saw the finished app so how would that work? God, she’s so dumb even when I’m trying to side with her. Colin runs after her and asks why she sold her idea to Will? She says he’s a theif and she quits and runs off in a huff.

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At the outdoor store friend thinks maybe she shouldn’t have quit because now she won’t get that class credit. She’s all “I DON’T CARE” but also, now we’re wondering where all the scenes of her going to her other classes. She doesn’t care, what’s another six years to finish I guess.

She picks up her kid at camp.

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At work Colin is surprised that Rachel Leigh Cook submitted this idea. Will admits that she didn’t and that he stole it. Everyone in this movie just admits their wrongdoing right after they do something. Colin is all “you dumbass, we don’t own it then.” Will didn’t know that because he’s the CEO of a company but doesn’t know how rights work.

The interns surprise her with the news that they figured out Will did this and not Colin. This is the incredible explanation: “I can’t reveal how I managed to get into Will’s phone but I did and there it was.” Then he asks if she wants him to erase all of Will’s contacts for revenge. No? What? Well, that was all informative.

Scully’s psychiatrist tells her that she can’t pass this class without finishing the internship. She shows the app she created but oh well, doesn’t count because she didn’t finish the internship. She really wants to know why Rachel Leigh Cook quit though, spill the tea please. She refuses for no real reason. Colin just has to sign off on this- why is this lady acting like that isn’t how it works?

Literally, she walks outside and Colin is arriving with her stupid blue folder to sign for her internship to count. THANK YOU. Finally, something works how it actually works in real life.

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He also quit K!ZZM!T and wants to start a new company with her and do Steps for Good. He says “I knew your first day, when I first saw you, that you’d never belong there” and I assume he’s saying because she’s so old and gross. But he think she could belong with him. She FINALLY kisses someone in this stupid movie.

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While they’re kissing we see an American flag so you know this is definitely America and not Vancouver. Then Rachel Leigh Cook and her kid and Colin are on the houseboat on the water apparently all living together happily in this tiny boat. The end.

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Later Chris and I watched “The Arrival” featuring a really smart, strong female lead and it was a nice change of pace.

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