The Murder Pact.

Oooh, a movie about rich kids at an Ivy League University who think someone is implicating them in a murder so they plot to murder her. That’ll show her who the murderer is! Oh wait, that would make them definitely guilty of at least one murder and also probably more implicated in the first one. What could go wrong?

IMDB says that people who like this also enjoyed “The Bride He Bought Online.” Yikes.

The Murder Pact.
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The Bride he Bought Online.

I’ve been meaning to do a Lifetime Movie for a while but I’ve been working two jobs so I had no time. And then Chris recorded every old basketball game ever so the DVR erased my movies. I found this one on demand so I’m going for it despite Teresa telling me it’s crazy. It’s happening. Then we get married next weekend. No big deal.

It starts off looking very scary with a car driving in an alley and the sounds of a lady struggling. Yeah, she’s taped up inside his trunk.

THE MOVIE OPENS.

It’s filmed really weirdly with cars zooming in and then everything pausing while a narrator describes her hot, cool lady friends.

Kaley:

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Mandy:

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The narrator is named Avery and she’s the one who keeps these two in line, or so she claims.

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If There Be Thorns.

Another one of these things. At this point these are airing so quickly that they’re like a new series. I’m over at Kat’s and we’re taking in the madness together.

Kat thinks that this is set in the Pacific Northwest (so much lush greenery) but I thought it was Southern California- get your story straight, movies. I can barely remember what happened in the last one.

If There Be Thorns
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Wuthering High School.

Yup, you read that correctly. A modern high school adaptation of Wuthering Heights was made by Lifetime. My computer keeps autocorrecting to “Withering” which is super annoying and going to drive me nuts while I type this.

Admission time- I’ve never read the whole book of Wuthering Heights. I know the deal with Catherine and Heathcliff and their amazing love that ends up making them embittered old people. It just isn’t Jane Austen I guess and never held my attention (much like Jane Eyre, which seems like something I’d love and I do own as well). With this one I haven’t tried to read it since I was 16 so maybe I should revisit.

Wuthering High School
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Kept Woman.

Teresa told me to watch this and that it was ridiculous and I asked if it was about Ariel Castro and she said no way because it was all white people and other crazy things… but hahaha, it IS supposedly based on Ariel Castro so Lifetime ruins another scary true story. She found online that they’re making another, more real, version of this story as well so maybe they already knew this one was going to be mocked before it ever aired?

Kept Woman
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Mother Knows Best.

Today’s movie is from 1997 and stars all people I had watched on tv before 1997- Joanna Kerns (Growing Pains), Grant Show (Melrose Place) and Christine Elise who was none other than Emily Valentine on 90210. Seeing this cast list made me want to watch this movie immediately but also surprised me that I didn’t see this back in 97. What could I have been doing that was more important?!? Oh, apparently I was moving to NYC where I lived without cable for like 5+ years. It’s best to not even speak of that dark time when I did more things and went to college and watched less tv. HORRORS.

“A woman finds a husband for her daughter but then decides he’s not the one and hires a hit man to kill him.” That sounds crazy, right? Well it’s based on the true story of Lee Goldsmith who actually did all of these things. That is bananas.

When it came to the posters they really killed it with the graphic design:
Mother Knows Best.
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A Boyfriend for Christmas.

While home I knew I had to watch a Hallmark Holiday movie with my friend Teresa because she is a true connoisseur of the form. Also, Hallmark is a Kansas City company (home town pride!) and her husband works there so she actually has some of them on dvd. I googled “ridiculous Hallmark Movie” and this one came up as number 1 on someone’s list so it was settled.

We watched it with her family, Chris and my grandma. The funniest viewer I think turned out to be Ana, her 13 year old daughter. Ana has watched so many of these movies with her mom that it literally started and there was a lady and she was all “who will she dump her boyfriend for??” without even knowing the plot of the movie.

We watched it on her portable tv in the kitchen so the photos are going to look a lot different this time.

A Boyfriend for Christmas.
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