Kept Woman.

Teresa told me to watch this and that it was ridiculous and I asked if it was about Ariel Castro and she said no way because it was all white people and other crazy things… but hahaha, it IS supposedly based on Ariel Castro so Lifetime ruins another scary true story. She found online that they’re making another, more real, version of this story as well so maybe they already knew this one was going to be mocked before it ever aired?

Kept Woman
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Mother Knows Best.

Today’s movie is from 1997 and stars all people I had watched on tv before 1997- Joanna Kerns (Growing Pains), Grant Show (Melrose Place) and Christine Elise who was none other than Emily Valentine on 90210. Seeing this cast list made me want to watch this movie immediately but also surprised me that I didn’t see this back in 97. What could I have been doing that was more important?!? Oh, apparently I was moving to NYC where I lived without cable for like 5+ years. It’s best to not even speak of that dark time when I did more things and went to college and watched less tv. HORRORS.

“A woman finds a husband for her daughter but then decides he’s not the one and hires a hit man to kill him.” That sounds crazy, right? Well it’s based on the true story of Lee Goldsmith who actually did all of these things. That is bananas.

When it came to the posters they really killed it with the graphic design:
Mother Knows Best.
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A Boyfriend for Christmas.

While home I knew I had to watch a Hallmark Holiday movie with my friend Teresa because she is a true connoisseur of the form. Also, Hallmark is a Kansas City company (home town pride!) and her husband works there so she actually has some of them on dvd. I googled “ridiculous Hallmark Movie” and this one came up as number 1 on someone’s list so it was settled.

We watched it with her family, Chris and my grandma. The funniest viewer I think turned out to be Ana, her 13 year old daughter. Ana has watched so many of these movies with her mom that it literally started and there was a lady and she was all “who will she dump her boyfriend for??” without even knowing the plot of the movie.

We watched it on her portable tv in the kitchen so the photos are going to look a lot different this time.

A Boyfriend for Christmas.
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Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever.

Okay, what the hell is this movie? I feel like it was literally people saying “grumpy cat is so funny!” and then an exec said it had to be a movie. Tah-dah! No one thought about actually making a movie with a cat that has to be carried everywhere while it claws a child (spoiler alert!).

Apparently “Grumpy Cat Limited” is a film company or it became one to make this. Please let them make a bunch more movies. It sounds so legit.

WARNING- THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG AND FULL OF WAYYYYYYY TOO MANY PHOTOS

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Garage Sale Mystery.

I think it was 6 months ago that Chadd told me to watch this and it’s only now On Demand so I’m finally partaking in what appears to be pretty fun.  “Jennifer loves scouring garage sales to look for items to sell in her resell shop. But when she realizes a series of burglaries and a friend’s murder may have connection to the sales, she helps the cops.” SOLD!

GarageSaleMystery-Hallmark1

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Presumed Dead in Paradise

Hey lifetimeheads, I’m Chadd Derkins, and I’m proud to be the very first guest poster here at Live-Blogging Lifetime Movies!  Recently, I visited Crystal’s place (along with Carla, Kelly, Chris, Matt and Michelle) to take part in the live-blogging of She’s Too Young.  Once we finished that movie, we didn’t want the party to end, so Crystal cued up Presumed Dead in Paradise, a brand new Lifetime movie which had made its debut just last month.  Afterwards, I opined that this was a much better movie than She’s Too Young, and how it’s a shame that this isn’t the movie Crystal’s blog entry would focus on.  To my surprise, Crystal offered me a challenge:  Do a write-up for the film, and post it!  I consider this a great honor, and I only hope I can live up to the excellent Live-Blogging Lifetime Movies standard.  Now, without further ado, let’s dive into Presumed Dead in Paradise!
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She’s Too Young.

We’re having a party to watch this classic Lifetime movie “She’s Too Young” starring Marcia Gay Harden and Emma from Degrassi as a bad influence teenage friend. So fun! This party features many C names- Chris, Carla, Chadd, Crystal (me) and then Kelly Lynn and Matt and even Michelle turned out. Bad movie nights are always a good time.

She's Too Young.
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